Page 4 of The Christmas Express
She and I dated for about a year. I was Kim’s age when we split, but before that we’d got pretty serious. We’d discussed moving in together, getting engaged. We used to lie on her sofa together in her flat in that house she shared in London with all her friends and plan our dream wedding. Just silly, coupley conversations, dreamy fantasies, but the kind that make you glow inside with possibility.
I know it’s over now. It’s been over for five years. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to see her face sometimes, know she’s okay.
That’s why I navigate straight to her, my fingers tapping her name into the search bar as soon as I’m logged back in.
There she is. I smile, and I know Tonia’s eyes are on me. ‘Stop judging me, Miss T,’ I say without looking away from my phone.
‘I will judge you until you move on from this tradition,’ replies my tough-love friend.
There’s a pink circle around Bryn’s face. Her profile photo has changed since last year, now it’s a close-up of her pulling a silly face with a woollen hat on and a backdrop of snow. I touch my own woollen hat, and click on her face to open her story.
My screen fills with a photo of Bryn, wrapped up in a coat, a mountain behind her, a glass of something warm and steaming being held out to the camera. She’s smiling, which makes me smile back at the image of her. She looks happy. I’m glad.
The story moves to the next photo, a mirror of the last one, showing another girl holding up a matching glass, the windowed doors of a café behind her revealing Bryn’s reflection taking the photo, the smile still on her face.
The other woman has a long, loose plait coming out of the side of her hat. Her lips are a soft pink which matches the cold flush in her cheeks. Are they . . . ?
‘Oh no,’ mumbles Jack as the picture changes again to a selfie of the two of them, the other woman now sitting on Bryn’s lap, while Bryn kisses her cheek. They could not look more like a happy couple, like a poster for a romantic winter movie set in the mountains.
The smoke is swirling in my eyes, the cold air suddenly making my nose run. ‘It’s fine,’ I say to them all. ‘It’s cute.’
It’s ridiculous that my throat is even feeling dry, or that my heart has ebbed like the tide. Of course I want her to have all the love and laughter in the world, and they look good together. I wonder how long they’ve been a couple?
The story moves on again, this time it’s the same picture but with a text overlay, and in time with a moonlit wave, my heart crashes.
Can’t wait to marry my love next month!
‘Shit.’ Tonia reaches over and takes my phone from me, exiting the app and stuffing it into the inside of her coat pocket. Kim pours extra whisky into my cup. Jack yanks a blanket off one of our other friends and wraps it around my shoulders, on top of the other three.
Bryn is getting married.
Okay.
‘It’s fine,’ I say to them all again.
‘Is it?’ asks Tonia.
‘Yes,’ I reply. ‘Of course. I’m happy for her.’
The whisky woozes in my head and I think I might be ready to call it a night.
I’m not sad. I’m not sad. I’m not sad.
She has every right to get married, to be happy, to be so, so loved. But did I have to find out on my birthday?
Chapter 3
Cali
‘She wants us all there, the whole gang, back together again for her wedding,’ I explain, holding my phone up and reading Bryn’s email for the hundredth time since yesterday evening. ‘She says, “I know it’s been half a decade since we all hung out, but I miss you all.” She misses us.’
The barista blinks at me and repeats her question. ‘So, did you want whipped cream on top?’
‘Oh – yes, please. Thank you.’
‘Do you miss her?’ asks the woman behind me in the queue, and I spot her boyfriend nudge her with his foot.
‘Well, I guess so, of course, but . . .’ I fluster. The barista hands me my hot chocolate and I ask her, ‘Would you go all the way to Canada for a wedding with a bunch of people you had a big falling out with? Including an ex?’
