Page 20 of The Christmas Express
In front of me, the crowd parts, and the deafening noise of the city becomes dampened, just a little, and it feels like someone has tied a string to my head, lifting it, forcing me to look.
‘Oh . . .’ I breathe.
My feet have led me to the harbour, to the water. I lean over a railing, letting the moonlit ripples balm me and quieten my mind.
Beside me is an ice rink, empty but for one gentleman quietly practising intricate spins, the blades of his skates slicing the ice rhythmically, softly. I watch him for a moment, and when he falls and I’m about to go and help him, he stands straight back up, dusts himself off, and starts moving forward again.
I don’t believe in signs, but if I did, this feels very meaningful. Tonia will want to hear about this.
What is my gut telling me? To keep going? I think that’s what it’s saying. I have to do this. I can’t move on unless I do this. It’ll be okay, won’t it?
Above me, the smallest snowflakes touch the top of my woollen beanie. Others drift down and kiss my eyelashes, and I blink into the snow.
I don’t know about my gut, but I guess I could take this as nature, at least, telling me to weather it. Whatever happens.
Tonia is chuckling down the phone at me. ‘I’m sorry, I’m not laughing.’
‘Yes, you are.’ I laugh, towel drying my hair. It’s morning here in Toronto, pretty early, and I’m decrumpling after a crappy night’s sleep before I have to go and get on this train.
‘I just can’t quite believe you gave up a short flight on to Vancouver to spend four days on a train with a bunch of people you don’t like any more. It’s kind of funny.’
‘Am I pushover?’
‘No,’ she says. Her voice is light and breezy. ‘You’re just a romantic.’
‘Romantic would have been running straight to Bryn. I’m a scaredy-cat who gave into peer pressure to avoid having my plan scuppered.’
My phone beeps with a message from Cali, reminding me of the timing for this morning’s train. As if I’d forget.
I dress warmly in a fresh sweatshirt and thick socks under my jeans, stuffing yesterday’s clothes back into my bag. As I sweep on my eyeliner and chat to Tonia, I’m aware of a light breeziness to me, too, for reasons I’m not quite sure of. Maybe it’s that I’m always better in the morning time. Maybe it’s talking with my best friend. I don’t know what it is, but after I’ve hung up and checked out of my hotel, I make my way through the city streets towards the train station with feel-good vibes sprinkling around me like the snowfall last night.
Maybe this will be a good thing. Maybe I’ll reconnect with the group, and that’ll make it easier for Bryn if she is, in fact, wanting us to get back together.
A black squirrel scuttles past me, little feet jumping over the light snow that rests on the pavement. Hello, you.
As I near the station though, my nerves kick back in. I’m the odd one out. I don’t belong with this group any more . . .
I look up at the imposing building, minutes ticking by, a battle between my head and my heart as to whether to go inside.
You agreed to this, Ember. And in return, you still get to reconnect with Bryn on your own terms. Suck it up.
Chapter 12
Cali
‘Good morning,’ I say to a little black squirrel who scampers past me, eyeing my Tim Hortons donut, as I take a moment outside Toronto’s Union Station early the next day.
I wiggle my legs, cold despite the tights under my leggings, and step sideways to catch a little of the dawn sunshine as it slides around a tall building. The looming CN Tower is visible to my left. I would have liked to have gone up to the observation level if I’d had more time here. I bet the view is mesmerising.
I’ll go into the station in a moment, just a few more minutes of soaking up this lovely new city first. I smile into the cold air, my feet crunching on hardened snow on the pavement as I shuffle.
Last night, when I got back, I sat up in my hotel bed until jet lag got the better of me, reading everything there was to know about the cross-Canada train we’d be boarding today. The nervous flutters shimmy into my chest when I think of being stuck with the others, nonstop, for four days, but I exhale through pursed lips, creating fog, breathing out the negativity. If it wasn’t for Bryn’s sneaky plan, I might never have this experience. I wouldn’t have got to spend the evening exploring beautiful Toronto.
I chomp the last of my donut with closed eyes and low winter sun bathing my face. Alright, it’s time.
Through the doors, the station opens into a vast concourse, lit naturally from the sunlight soaking through the immense arched windows at either end.
The station is buzzing with commuters and tourists, but I spot the clock we all agreed to meet under and wheel my case towards it, immediately catching sight of Joe and Joss bickering, with one of their cases lying on the floor, open, and Joss trying to stuff as many things as possible into her backpack.
