Page 52 of The Christmas Express
My hand, the one furthest from her, moves to my chest, keeping her warm words close to my heart. I nod. ‘They’re much better than this bunch of miserable twats,’ I joke, and the sight of Alex’s honey smile reigniting on her face causes mine to do the same.
‘What is with them?’ she asks.
‘Some kind of falling out, I don’t have all the details yet. I haven’t seen them since their friend and I split.’
‘Bryn.’
‘Bryn,’ I confirm.
We both lapse into quiet for a moment, and then, and maybe I’m imagining this, it’s like neither of us want to discuss Bryn again right now, because she backtracks on the conversation and says, ‘That brother and sister are a piece of work.’
‘Joss and Joe.’ I laugh. ‘She certainly is. It’s interesting though, to me she seems mad at everyone, but I swear she keeps evil-eyeing Cali in particular.’
‘You think? But she seems like the nicest.’
I shrug.
Alex leans in a centimetre closer. ‘You have to find out and report back to me, okay? Promise.’
‘I promise.’ We settle back again, the silence between us comfortable, cosy. After a while, I murmur out loud, ‘These stars . . .’
‘I know.’
‘You’re probably used to seeing this all over Canada?’
‘It doesn’t get old, though. You must get skies like this over the beach?’
‘I do,’ I agree. ‘It’s one of the things I love the most about living away from a city.’
‘Me too,’ Alex says. ‘And it’s nice to see them with a new person.’ We lock eyes briefly and chuckle again.
I like this. I feel like we could stay in this moment for hours, and that Christmas Eve night we do, not going our separate ways until soon after midnight.
‘Merry Christmas,’ I whisper to her at the bottom of the stairs, the first signs of the Rocky Mountains silhouetted in the night sky beyond the window.
‘Merry Christmas,’ she replies. There’s a pause, a moment, a lingering where I realise I want to kiss her, and from the way she glances at my lips, I’d guess she’s thinking the same, maybe.
But no, I can’t, I shouldn’t. Let’s remember why I’m here. Instead, I reach for her fingertips and give them a squeeze, before turning away.
It’s been a long time, but having a crush, even this small, little, delusional, can’t go anywhere one, is like deep down, in some dark, hidden part of my heart that’s been asleep, a tiny supernova is forming.
Chapter 26
Luke
I climb into bed, twirling the tinsel decoration Cali left me with between my fingers.
The memory of her arm under my hand lingers in my fingertips. I should have pulled back earlier; she’s moved on, we both have. Haven’t we?
I wish I could read her mind. I put down the tinsel, carefully, on my small side table and pick up my phone, opening social media apps and scrolling, first without really seeing, and then I dawdle on a video about how to tell if someone has a crush on you. The algorithm notices my hesitation in swiping, and soon I’m watching clip after clip and trying to tell myself it doesn’t mean anything.
‘Stop it,’ I mutter out loud, and put my phone face down on my chest, picking up my book instead, and reading three pages in a row without noticing a single word.
I can be her friend again. That’s what she wants; her friendships are everything to her. She’s happy now. I’m happy now. No more falling back into old patterns.
Flipping back a couple of pages, I manage two paragraphs before I’m back on my phone, wiling away Christmas Eve night by looking at old photographs, holding the tinsel close to my heart.
Chapter 27
