Page 91 of A Winter in Wonderland
Chapter 40
Itraipsed back to the chalet, the sky overhead covered in thick cloud, and icy snow plopped down upon the top of my head and stung my face. I kept trying to tell myself that nothing was really wrong, that yes, a guy I’d started to have feelings for had gone, and yes, I was being made to be an elf. Big deal. The problems were in my mind, my fight or flight mode activated and itching for me to take the ‘flight’ option. I just wanted to go home now and close that door.
With Esteri still out at work, I had the room to myself so I climbed up on my bunk, stuck in my earphones, and called Dad – he always offered comfort. Plus, what I really hoped was for him to say, ‘Hey, you’ve put in your time, you can come home now. Shay won’t care.’
‘Hello, love!’
‘Hi, Dad,’ I said, making my voice sound chirpier than I felt. ‘What’s going on with you?’
‘Well, I’m actually back up at Shay’s. She’s just started hermaternity leave and I said I’d come and help her out with a few things.’
‘She’s on mat leave already?’ I checked the date on my watch. The tenth of January. She wasn’t due for another three weeks or so. Perhaps that was normal, what did I know? ‘Is she all right?’
‘Yes, she’s fine, just wants her old dad around to do everything for her, I think,’ he chuckled. ‘So what’s new with you? How’s Josh?’
I hadn’t told any of them. What was there to tell? It didn’t amount to anything. In the end, it was nothing.
Then why did nothing feel like everything?
‘Actually, Josh had to leave Lapland early because of a family emergency.’
‘Oh no. He’s gone?’
‘He’s gone.’
‘Are his family OK?’
‘I hope so, I’ve not heard from him since he arrived back.’
Dad paused. ‘Sorry, love.’
‘It’s fine.’ I picked at a loose thread on the duvet cover. ‘Actually, I’m a bit gutted. And I know that sounds really selfish because I don’t wish he was here with me instead of there, where he needs to be, it’s just sad losing someone, isn’t it? Even if they were just a friend.’
‘It is,’ Dad agreed, his voice soft.
Memories of Mum leaving drifted past my mind again like falling snow and though I didn’t want to, I found myself trying to catch them.
‘Dad?’
‘Yep?’
‘Are you still sad about Mum leaving?’
I heard him take in a big breath. ‘Yes … and no.’
‘All right then … ’
‘Yes, because it was a sad thing that happened and I can’t change that because it’s in the past. It’s out of my hands. But no because, well, your mum is happier now – actually we both are – than when we were together. Your mum loved you girls to the moon, but in the end her life wasn’t meant to be in our house with us, and I don’t begrudge her finding happiness.’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Because what good would that do me? Apart from stop me moving forward and being happy myself?’
‘You are happy … right?’ I asked with trepidation.
But my dad surprised me, and without hesitation let out a laugh. ‘Bloody right I am. I have two daughters I’m intensely proud of – one who’s working in Lapland which is pretty amazing, the other who’s about to have my first grandchild. I have a house that’s all mine now you two have skedaddled, and sometimes I spend whole weekends watching crime dramas with endless popcorn.’
‘Dad, that can’t be good for you—’
