Page 90 of A Winter in Wonderland
Chapter 39
Theother elves made me feel very welcome. We were standing in the forest near Santa’s cabin being given a pep talk and some info about the school group, and while my new colleagues were already buzzing and ready, I was conserving my smiles for a day of being holly and jolly and Christmassy in what might be the performance of a lifetime.
To try to channel some festive spirit from the guy who did it better than anyone (well, except Father Christmas), I was sneakily wearing Josh’s shirt under my elf costume.
I know that’s a bit weird, but it made me feel a little less alone, so I was going with it. And I liked that I could smell him again.
‘So, please welcome Myla into the group, she’s going to be getting into the festive spirit with us for a few days,’ said Daan, and I smiled at everyone despite deflating inside.
As I listened to instructions on how to be our best elvesand who should do what – and where – during this big school trip they had coming in, that familiar fear set in of,I don’t think I can do this. I’d been feeling that a lot over the past year, and usually I took the easy way out. I didn’t used to be like that. Perhaps I’m just afraid of getting too attached again, so I leave as soon as things don’t go my way.
I’d been kidding myself by pretending Christmas was all over once December the twenty-fifth hit, I thought, miserably. Of course it wasn’t. If anything, for me, it was now more festive than ever, and I couldn’t seem to stop all the painful memories from creeping their way back in, like they were taking advantage of the window I’d opened for Josh.
Nearly a week later and I was still being utilised as an elf, and was at my wits’ end. Every time one of my co-elves sang or danced or put on a show-stopper of an improvised comedy performance for the guests, I knew I was as much help as one of the logs in the wall of the cabins. I just couldn’t keep this up, all this Christmas spirit, especially when I was feeling a bit heartbroken, and especially when I thought I’d put all this, for the most part, behind me for another year. I was truly enjoying Lapland, and now I felt like I was back to square one.
‘Bye, goodbye, have a happy holidays!’ I waved to the last family of the day over at Santa’s cabin. Once they were out of sight, sledding away on the back of a train of huskies, I stepped back inside and took off my hat, letting my smile drop and rubbing my aching cheeks. I could feel tears behind my eyes, which was so ridiculous it hurt even more.
‘You all right, Myla?’ asked Jens, one of the other elves and a good friend of Josh’s.
‘This is exhausting, how have you done it for two months straight?’ I said, covering my shaking voice with a laugh.
He chuckled back. ‘The benefits outweigh any negatives. I think it’s such a fun job.’
‘Oh, me too,’ I said, quickly, hoping I hadn’t sounded insulting. ‘It’s just not what I’m used to.’
Before I began joining in with the end-of-day tidy, I pulled my phone from my pocket and checked to see if Josh had returned my message asking after his grandfather. He hadn’t.
I frowned, not because Josh owed me anything, I just hoped that he and his family were OK. The last I’d heard from him was that he’d made it back to the US and was on his way to his mum’s house.
Thinking of Josh reminded me that he’d dressed as an elf in his hospital once. He was a nice guy. A little thought inched closer, wanting me to remember the Christmas that I was in hospital, but I didn’t have the energy to go down that road now.
I put my phone away and leaned on the window pane of Santa’s cabin. Itwasmagical out here, I couldn’t deny it, and itwasnice experiencing first-hand what the elves saw the whole season – the wonder on guests’ faces at meeting their real Father Christmas.
‘Hello, Elf Myla,’ said a kindly old voice, coming around the corner, and pulling me back to the cabin.
Even a grump like me couldn’t not smile at Santa’sfriendly face and belly full of jelly. ‘Hey, just getting cleaned up here. Did you have a good day?’
‘I always have a good day,’ he laughed with a ho-ho-ho and I wondered if he ever let the jolly act drop or if he was just, well,him. ‘Did you?’
‘The best,’ I said.
He tilted his head at me.
I looked around for Jens and spotted him through the cabin window, straightening out some things outside.
‘I’m just missing home, I think.’
‘And a certain other elf?’
‘Not you too, Santa,’ I joked. ‘But yes, we’d become friends and I’m sad he had to go so quickly, but more than anything I hope everything’s OK at home.’
Santa patted my shoulder and waved goodbye, and I finished packing up for the night. This place was made for the Joshes of the world.
Not me.
