Page 83 of A Winter in Wonderland
‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.
I didn’t want to disturb the experience for any of the visitors, so in a normal voice I asked, ‘Um, will you be coming back to Lapland during January?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said, smiling.
‘OK.’
His eyes looked deep into mine and I tried to tell him silently how I hoped he was OK, how I hoped everything would be OK. How much I would miss him.
How I would miss the us we wouldn’t get the chance to be.
He was leaving.Now.Maybe for good. And neither of us could say a proper goodbye and I felt my poor, protected heart begin to crack. In an attempt to hold it together – and because it was one of the only actions we could take that wouldn’t look out of place – I reached out and wrapped my arms around Josh and squeezed him. I didn’t care about the pain in my arm, I didn’t care about the people watching. I felt his arms wrap around me too, holding me tight, and I pressed my face into his shoulder.
We probably held the hug for less than five seconds, but I savoured every single one of them, weaving a memory justfor us out of all of the particles of hope that had never had a chance to form.
‘Bye, Myla,’ he whispered, his voice so quiet it was barely more than a snowflake drifting past my ear.
I couldn’t manage a reply because I thought it might cause the crack in my heart to deepen, so instead we broke apart and I watched the best thing about this Christmas walk away.
‘Does Phil get on with the other reindeer?’ Nadia asked, pulling me back to my guests.
I took a deep breath and pasted on a smile. ‘Yes, he’s a big hit, who couldn’t love Phil? He has such a kind personality.’
Nadia and her mum continued to ask questions and pet Phil, who basked under their adoration, all while I spoke and moved on autopilot.
When they walked away happy, I finally managed to exhale and whisper, ‘Bye, Josh.’
