Page 84 of A Winter in Wonderland
Chapter 37
Twentyminutes later, Esteri rounded the corner, having just returned from an early reindeer ride. She led her reindeer around to the paddock, where I helped her unharness and brush him.
‘The clouds make today feel dark, don’t you think?’ she said.
‘Yeah,’ I agreed. Nearby, guests pottered around taking photos of our furry friends.
Shaking out her blonde hair, Esteri studied me for a moment. ‘What’s up with you?’ she asked, keeping her voice low.
‘Josh is going home,’ I replied, staring forward at the reindeer, stroking his neck mechanically.
‘Home to the chalet?’
‘No,homehome. His grandfather is in the hospital and I think his mum needs him or isn’t coping or something. So he has to leave. I mean, he wants to leave. Of course.’
Esteri let out a soft sigh. ‘That is sad. When’s he leaving?’
‘Now.’
‘Today?’
‘Like,now. I guess he had a call this morning, must have cleared it with Daan, and then was stopping here to tell me before heading back to the chalet to get out of his costume and pack up his things. He must be planning to catch the shuttle bus taking guests back to the airport in Rovaniemi.’
Esteri turned to me, her brows furrowed. ‘But he’s coming back, isn’t he?’
‘He doesn’t know. I guess it depends what happens.’
She looked around. ‘So you might not see him again?’
I couldn’t find any words so just shrugged.
‘Go.’
‘What?’
‘Go and say goodbye, properly, without all of us around.’ She gestured towards the guests, the staff, the reindeer. ‘Without him dressed as a damn elf.’
‘I can’t, I’m working, and he’s probably gone already.’
‘I will cover for you. I have your back, Myla, believe me. Just go. You’ll regret it if you don’t.’
I hesitated, though the pull of the chalet was already tugging at me. ‘I don’t want to make this about me, he’s got other things on his mind.’
‘So don’t make it about you, or the two of you. But if nothing else, you’re his friend, right, so go and say goodbye to him properly.’
‘Isn’t it a bit selfish?’
‘Isn’t making the decision for the two of you without his input selfish?’
I nodded, and backed away, blowing a kiss to Esteri before taking off through the snow.
It wasn’t far to get from the reindeer farm back to the chalet, and I ran all the way, hoping to catch Josh, all the time wondering if I was doing the right thing.
At one point I skidded to a halt, right in the middle of the trees, with the snow falling around me, and took a breath. It didn’t matter if nothing happened. I know I wanted it to. But if I could just tell him goodbye and that I hoped everything would be OK, and that I was glad to have known him for the winter, that would be enough. It would have to be enough.
When I emerged from the trees, I saw him coming out of the chalet, his backpack beside him as he closed the door, his coat done up, his eyes downcast until he glanced up and they met mine.
I crossed the clearing towards the chalet, and leaving his backpack on the ground where snowflakes began to settle upon it instantly, he walked towards me too.
