Page 73 of A Winter in Wonderland
‘Happy New Year to Josh,’ called one of his elf friends, who then descended into happy-tipsy giggles.
‘Shut up, man,’ Josh said, sounding embarrassed through his laugh and when I glanced over, I spotted him glancing away from looking at me.
My heart thumped and I felt chills tickle the side of my cheeks, willing me to smile. Did that mean … did that mean Josh’s friends thought he liked me? Did that mean he did like me? I was already ninety-nine per cent sure he did – I can’t have totally imagined those near-kisses, but was this the confirmation I was searching for?
Well, I did light the fire first time, but I’m sure that was just because I’m an excellent fire-starter as opposed to anything mystical. Nevertheless, it took everything in me to not look over at you-know-who when the flames stroked over the kindling and took hold.
For a while, a deep, satisfied quiet descended on the group, with the exception of the low playlist in the background and the crackling of the campfire.
‘Did anyone make any resolutions for the new year?’ Daan asked the group, breaking through the lull.
With chatter starting up again, some left the campfire to restock drinks or head back inside to warm up a bit. I was staring into the flames, wondering whether or not my resolution counted if it wasn’t something I could enact until the following December. Then through my eyelashes I saw Josh get up and move over towards the empty seat next to me, on my right.
‘Hey,’ he said.
‘Hi,’ I answered. ‘Do you want to sit?’ I shuffled over on the log I was perched on.
‘Sure, thanks. Are you cold?’ He held out a blanket to drape over the two of us.
‘No more so than I’ve been for the past month and a half.’
‘You get kind of used to it, right?’
I nodded, and accepted the blanket, pulling it over my lap, and with the fire not needing any more prodding for a while, tucked my hands underneath as well.
‘Do you have any resolutions?’ I asked him, my voice coming out totally confidently and smoothly. Not really. It came out as a weird squeak, but I don’t think he noticed.
‘I can never think of any. Do you?’
‘I do have one,’ I confessed, then swept my gaze around at the group. ‘But I shouldn’t say it out loud.’
‘Whisper it to me.’
OK, I would. I edged closer to Josh and leaned over, placing my right hand on his left shoulder for balance, and bringing my face close to his. Under the blanket, he reached his right arm over to hold me close and I felt him squeeze me softly. Nobody but me could tell, this was just for us.
Up close, Josh smelled of pine and sandalwood. I whispered into his ear, ‘My resolution is to enjoy Christmas next year.’
‘Is there any part of you,’ he replied quietly, so nobody but me could hear, ‘that enjoyed it this year?’
Under the blanket, he still held softly onto my forearm.Taking a breath and a leap of faith, I rolled my arm, turning it upwards, and, sliding it backwards a few inches, took his hand in mine.
To the outside world, nothing had changed, but in that secret world under the blanket, it had for him and me.
As midnight approached, I could feel nerves kick in. Although Josh and I hadn’t held hands the whole time, he remained next to me, our legs pressed together under the blanket, even when we chatted to the people to the other sides of us. I couldn’t keep my mind straight, thinking of whether or not we’d kiss at midnight.
I liked a midnight New Year’s Eve kiss. Did I mention that already? I usually didn’t mind who I kissed, and if Josh and I were still nothing more than colleagues, friends even, I’d plant one on him, and Esteri, and anyone else willing. But could I do it in front of everyone? What if kissing at midnight wasn’t the vibe here?
I picked up my glass full of sparkling wine from where I’d jammed it into the snow and took a swig, snorting into the bubbles remembering last New Year when Jamilia and I had held a house party with all her cool friends, and at midnight I held my arms wide and shouted, ‘Jammy, come here and give me a kiss!’ and she’d said, in her deadpan way, ‘No thanks, babe, you smell like garlic bread.’
Oh God, what if I smelled like garlic bread now?
No, I hadn’t had any garlic bread, we were OK.
‘Sparkler? Sparkler?’ Daan was walking around the campfire, handing out short little unlit sparklers to everyone as the clock counted down the last minutes of the year.
Josh and I turned back to each other and I breathed in the smoky air, keeping my eyes on him.
‘Shall we light these?’ he asked me.
