Page 14 of A Winter in Wonderland
‘I’m getting there … ’
‘Oh that’s good, great, let me know if you need a hand. I could help you clean your place. Or take you to the airport?’
‘Shay, you’re a million months pregnant.’
‘Sixmonths pregnant.’
I paused. OK, just tell her. Just say you’re having second thoughts. Sure, she would get in a grump and be disappointed and give you a tongue-lashing, but Shay was used to you flaking on jobs; she’d get over it. ‘Shay, I was thinking—’
‘Nope, no you don’t.’
‘But—’
‘Stop right there. You are not pulling out of this.’
I sighed. ‘I am grateful, Shay, really, but it just feels too hard. I think I made a mistake saying yes.’
‘But you didn’t say yes, you lost a bet, and you can’t back out on that.’
‘I mean, you’re right, a bet is legally binding in both the UK and Finland.’ I laughed, but she didn’t laugh back. ‘What if you have the baby while I’m away? I could come back early for that, couldn’t I?’
‘You won’t need to. This little one isn’t due until after you’re home.’
I fiddled with the fluffy collar of Dad’s down coat. ‘Promise?’
Pausing, Shay added the disclaimer, ‘I mean, I won’t be shoving the baby back in if it starts to show up to the party early, but as much as I can: I promise.’
‘Deal,’ I said, and shook myself out of my funk. ‘Look, I said I’d go, so I’ll go.’ I’ll go.
Shay let out a relieved laugh. ‘Yay! I really think this will be good for you, My.’
‘I’m sure you do.’
‘Just enjoy it, enjoy the scenery and the change of landscape and the different sights. And don’t spend your whole time waiting for it to be over or worrying about bad things happening.’
‘I won’t.’Yes I would.
‘Great. So you’re definitely going?’
I looked at my belongings scattered on the floor, clothingI’d never needed before, books in languages I couldn’t speak, socks so thick they could be sleeping bags for kittens. And then I looked at the walls of my living room, bare of pictures and memories, my stuff in boxes, my flatmate gone, my rent drying up. ‘Yes, I’m going to Lapland.’
‘All right, so that’s settled. There’s one more thing.’
Narrowing my eyes at the phone, I asked, ‘What?’
‘To get you the job, I had to kind of “sell you”, as it were.’
‘OK … ’
‘And to do seasonal work like you’ll be doing, one of the requirements is that, well, you’re really into Christmas. Like,really into Christmas.’
‘Oh my god, what do you mean?’
‘Nothing. Well, just that. I needed to make out like you loved Christmas, and I’m going to get into a lot of trouble if you walk in there and declare your status as the UK’s least festive woman. So you just need to keep your miserable yuletide melancholy to yourself, all right?’
‘You’ve got to be kidding.’ I mean, I wasn’t about to march in and start kicking plastic elves across the log cabins, but surely I wouldn’t have to be non-stop merry and bright? ‘Fine.’
‘And don’t quit early.’
I was about to stand up for myself, but you know, fair point. Instead, I just repeated, ‘Fine.’
What else could I do? I didn’t want to let Shay down or get her in trouble, especially after she stuck her neck out for me. And she was about to have a baby so I didn’t want to cause her any more stress.
Later that night, I begrudgingly put onThe Polar Expressto try to force myself to get in the zone. But I had to turn it off halfway through and binge-watchLove Island.
