Page 93 of The Wedding Pact
August lay back down and found his hand in the dark, slipping her palm against his, and remaining quiet while he let his thoughts position themselves.
Flynn spoke again. ‘It’s been six months; I just wish I could move past things.’
‘Are you still in love with Yui?’ August asked, her voice delicate.
‘No,’ Flynn said, knowing he sounded both honest and defeated. ‘But I don’t seem to have been able to move on, for some reason. I keep comparing everything toher. Comparing my life now to how it was then.’
‘I’m no expert,’ August started, ‘But doesn’t the act of getting over someone have to relate back to that person?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I don’t see how you could have spent the last six months blocking out all thoughts and feelings about Yui, refusing to think of her at all. That’s just not how the mind works, is it? And your feelings would probably have come back with a vengeance. So you take steps forward, and you meet new people, and you try new things, and you do it all with the thoughts of that person still with you. But those thoughts eventually begin to dilute, until one day they’re just part of you, and your history, but no longer the biggest part of you.’
Flynn put a hand on his forehead, squeezing August’s with his other. ‘You’re probably right. But right now I just can’t help but wonder if all of this was a mistake.’
‘A mistake?’
It pained him deeply to admit such a thing, especially to her while she, and happiness, felt within reach. But he couldn’t put all of his happiness on her shoulders. How would that be fair? He sighed, and took his time saying the next part. ‘Coming back to England.’
Chapter 67
August
August’s heart broke a little in that moment, for him but also for her. Was she part of his mistake?
‘All my family are in Japan now, I enjoyed my joba lotmore, I had Yui and maybe it wouldn’t have worked out anyway but at least I’d know. And you and I, well … ’
August held her breath, waiting to hear his thoughts.
Flynn continued. ‘Sometimes I just wonder why I left.’
‘Because you wanted a change, and a new adventure. There’s nothing wrong with following that,’ August said, trying to smother the desperation in her voice, because this wasn’t about her.
‘But where’s it got me? A job that takes up so much time I hardly see anything outside the office walls. A new girlfriend who ran a mile.’
August gulped. ‘Can’t you think of one good thing about being here?’
He looked towards her, meeting her eyes in the darkness. ‘You, of course. Of course meeting you and living with you has been incredible, and crazy, and hard work, and hilarious. Don’t doubt that. But we can’t deny that it’s caused a few problems.’
‘Do you feel bad about … you know … lying?’
‘About us, to everyone in the building?’
‘Yes.’
‘Yep,’ Flynn answered. ‘Do you feel like it’s been a lot harder than we thought it would be?’
‘Yes,’ August replied with a chuckle. ‘You?’
‘So much harder. And so much more fun as well, at times.’
‘We have had some good times,’ she smiled at him.
They lay in the dark, hands held, looking into each other’s eyes with faux-fireworks overhead – which felt pretty consistent with a lot of their relationship – and neither realised they were both thinking how easy it would be to kiss the other right now. Or maybe they did suspect it, but taking that action, when it wasn’t for an ‘audience’ or for ‘practice’ would change everything.
‘Why do we keep doing these romantic things?’ Flynn asked, holding his breath as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
‘I don’t know,’ August let out a tinkle of a laugh, though inside she had a million thoughts, she just didn’t know how to express them. Besides, it seemed clear to her that he had some real figuring out to do about a few things before she muddied his thoughts with her own confusion also. ‘Do you really feel like you made a mistake coming here?’ she asked him.
