Page 53 of A Season in the Snow
Lola closed her eyes and went back to lying on her back, and they were all silent for a couple of minutes. Then Lola asked, ‘How’d you get the scar, though?’ She peeped one eye over at Alice.
‘Lo, oh my God,’ said Noah.
‘It’s okay,’ Alice answered. ‘Well . . . ’
She took a breath, and took a moment. She sunk herself down so the water covered all but the top of her head, from her nose up, and looked at her surroundings. She looked at the warm mist circling the surface of the pool. She looked at the snow, marked with footprints, surrounding the pools. She looked to the distance, at the Bernese Alps that were bigger than any of this. She was ready. Alice lifted her chin out of the water.
‘Did any of you see on the news the crush at the outdoor concert in London back in August?’ The words sounded too blunt and factual, like she was reading from a news bulletin. But if she scratched beyond the surface, to the layers of memories that protected the feeling of hot skin on skin, the terrifying sounds, the disaster movie images and tinny taste, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to tell her story out loud. Not yet. ‘Well, I was there.’
‘You were there, at the concert?’ Noah whistled. ‘I bet that was really scary.’
‘I’ve had better weekends.’ Alice smiled.
‘Did you see much of what happened?’ asked Lola. Alice knew from experience this meant, ‘did you see anyone die?’ and she didn’t blame her, it was natural to want to hear firsthand experiences.
‘Sort of. It all happened really quickly so I only remember . . . certain elements. But I was near the front so I was very nearly sucked into it all. And . . . ’ She gestured to her leg. ‘This happened because I fell against one of the broken railings.’
They floated in silence for a few moments, while everybody weighed up what they should or shouldn’t ask. Alice waited, methodically moving her hands in sweeping circles beneath the surface of the water. She was okay now. Talking about it was okay. She was a million miles away.
Marco moved a little closer, rippling her circles with his torso. He raised his hand from the water and brushed his sandy hair, darkened by the wetness, from his forehead, causing it to spike up in the cold air. He looked straight at Alice, eyes soft and caring, like he really wanted her to answer his question honestly. ‘Were you all right?’
The question was loaded and could have a million paths that led to it. And so her honest answer was, ‘No.’
‘Areyou all right?’
She hesitated, and moved her eyes from the soft furrows of his water-dropleted brow down so they locked with his, fusing this connection with this near-stranger. ‘No.’
Lola’s arms descended on her, pulling her into an Amazonian embrace, wet flesh knocking together and icy hair against her cheek. It was oddly comforting. ‘I am so sorry that happened to you. What a dickhead life can be sometimes.’
‘That’s very true,’ Alice replied. ‘Thanks.’
Lola kissed her quickly on the hair, at the side of her head, an action they both found a little odd, but it seemed appropriate at the time, and she floated a short distance away, knowing not to push the subject any more, for now.
Marco’s fingers found hers under the water and he held them, only briefly, but in a way that made her feel less alone. And then he too gave her space.
Alice lay back and breathed in, slowly, filling her lungs with mountain air, and allowed her arms to drift sideways and her legs to rise to the surface. Her eyes were closed but she knew her scar would be visible, wet and glinting against the sunshine, and she thought of Marco’s face when he’d seen it. Big, curious eyes, an openness to wanting to know more, no judgements, no shock or disgust. She smiled because he reminded her of when Bear came to the door of the bathroom and stared up at her in the shower. Bear never cared what she looked like, he just liked how she looked and wanted to know more about her.
She focused on the feeling of the warm, velvet water on the length of her scar, unhidden and unashamed, and let it have a little of the self-care that maybe it deserved.
