Page 71 of Saltwater Memories
Chapter 26
After seeing Will in the lavender field, it took Amanda a few days to figure out exactly how she felt. She felt better,somuch better, but she wasn’t sure exactly why.
Eventually, she realized it was because her stories didn’t annoy Will, and he didn’t think that they were worthless. Then, the thought hit her:shewasn’t worthless. She was a worthwhile person, with a worthwhile history.
She’d had a mom who loved her, who had made her pancakes and braided her hair and read her stories. She’d run through the lavender fields, and laughed, and threw tantrums, and then made up. Amanda had lived a whole life, she was a whole person, with good and bad.
And even though she wasn’t perfect, she was worth more than being Rupert’s leftovers – she was worth more than his begrudging visits, his situational generosity, and his halfhearted attempts. She was worth more than her boss sending her out in the rain for sandwiches, and belittling her for how she looked.
From that moment on, everything became clear.
Her first order of business was dealing with Rupert. She was angry at herself for waiting around for him forso long. Whyhad she done it? How could she not have seen what he was really like?
He’d complained about the trip from Seattle to San Juan Island – a trip that he madeonetime, and that she’d made multiple times a week, just for the chance to get lunch together!
When Amanda allowed herself to think about her mom – and to talk about her mom – she laughed, realizing how much her mom would’ve hated Rupert. Instead of being paralyzed by her memories of the past, Amanda was now able to see her life through a different lens – through eyes that loved her. Her mom, who loved her so tenderly, would’ve despised the way that Rupert treated her.
All at once, Amanda knew that she needed to break up with him. It took her a while to get to the decision, but once made, she had no doubts about it. And it went…about as well as she’d expected. Which is to say, not that well.
Actually, there was no part of Wednesday that went according to plan. Initially, she wanted to break up with him in person. Amanda had never broken up with someone that she wasn’ttechnicallydating before, but she thought it was best to do it face-to-face.
Yet she nixed that idea quickly; it wasn’t worth the trip or the trouble. And as if on cue that morning, Rupert sent her a message. “Hey babe, would you mind grabbing me a coffee on your way in? Hectic day, don’t know if I can make lunch but I’d like to see you.”
Amanda smiled. The old her – that is, the Amanda from a week ago – would’ve jumped on this proposal. She would’ve been sad that he couldn’t make lunch, but she’d have wanted to see him, so despite her long commute into the city, she would’ve gotten that coffee for him.
She typed a message in response. “I’m not coming in today. Also, I don’t think that we should see each other anymore. I wish you the best.”
She debated adding more, but what else was there to say? She felt so freed by her revelation. She didn’t need him – she didn’t even remember what she liked about him. He was there right after her mom passed, yes – but he hadn’t been there for her since. Her own muddled thoughts and feelings kept her trapped in his grips forfartoo long. But now she was free.
A few minutes after she sent the text, her phone rang. It was him.
“Hello?”
“All right, what’re you playing at?”
“I’m not playing at anything. I’ve been doing some thinking, and…yeah. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
He sighed. “I knew you would do something like this. I knew that you would try to force some sort of ultimatum. You know that relationships aren’t built on threats.”
She rolled her eyes. To think that this used to work on her. “It’s not a threat, Rupert. We don’t have a relationship. It’s just been me chasing you. Waiting around for you to grace me with your presence.”
“There it is. You’re bitter. You’re bitter because I don’t do things on your timeline.”
She laughed. “I’m really not bitter. I don’t have a timeline.”
“Right, so if I told you that I wanted to get back together right now, you’d say no?”
“Yes.”
He scoffed. “So you’d say yes?”
“No,” she said slowly. “I was agreeing that I would say no to getting back together. I don’t want to get back together. Not anymore.”
“You know what Amanda, fine. Play your little games, see how far they get you.”
“Goodbye Rupert.”
Her heart leapt when she hung up the phone. She hadn’t felt so free in – well, years! Even when she and Rupert were together, there was always an insecurity there, like he could pull away at any moment.
