Page 55 of Swiped
Then Nat saw the reason — leaned up along the walls were stacks of unassembled boxes, towers of packing tape, and a package of fresh markers. Moving supplies. Her shopping-induced euphoria popped like so much bubble wrap. She guessed that now she had Sara’s official answer to her offer.
Nat set her shopping bag on the floor. “Wow, look at all this,” she said, pointedly.
Sara cleared her throat. “It’s a crime what they charge you for stuff that’s going to be literal garbage after one use,” she said, forcing a smile.
“Uh huh.” Nat bit the inside of her lip as a cold surge of panic splashed into her stomach. This was it. Sara was leaving. The realization screamed into her mind, and all she wanted to do was scream right back for it not to be true. “Well, if money is what you’re worried about, then I don’t see why you don’t just stay here.”
Sara sighed and put down her chopsticks. “Because I can’t afford this place anymore. I told you that.”
“And I told you that I would pay for you, so you don’t have to move into some weird commune!” Nat stomped her foot. She knew she was turning the volume up on this argument right away, but something deep and dark within her was forcing her hand. Logically, she knew she was talking to Sara, her best friend of many years, but shadowing Sara’s shape on the couch was a rogue’s gallery of all the other so-called friends and outright bullies who had suddenly stopped including her in lunches and parties, or left her to sit alone on the school bus every day like she was radioactive, or burst into laughter whenever she walked by — all for reasons she never knew and so always wondered about.
Of course, she did know now that she was an adult woman with a successful career who had every reason to embrace herself as a #badassbitch. And yet, she’d also thought she’d been pretty good, or at least OK, when she’d also been the kid getting pelted with wadded up paper in the cafeteria, or called gross and weird to her face, or left alone weekend after weekend becausehanging out with her just wasn’t a desirable option for anyone. So how could she trust her own judgment? She had a lifetime of evidence that there was something deeply wrong with her — something that everyone else could see except her. With Sara, she’d thought that maybe she’d shaken it, or Sara hadn’t seen it, but now her so-called bestie would rather leave her than accept free rent, so clearly, Nat’s truth had finally caught up with her.
Sara’s eyes were stony as she stood up from the couch. “It’s not a commune,” she said flatly. “And I can’t let you pay for me to live here, Nat. Thatactuallywould feel like a commune and that doesn’t feel good to me.”
“Right, because living with me is so awful that I literally couldn’t pay you to do it?”
Frustration made Sara’s light olive skin blotchy as she turned to Nat. “It has nothing to do with you! It’s a rent problem in San Francisco, for fuck’s sake!” She gritted her teeth. “And thanks for being sensitive to how it might embarrass me to admit that I can’t afford this place anymore, by the way.”
Nat waved her hand in dismissal. “Now you’re the one taking it personally. This city is unaffordable to everyone who lives here, Sara!”
Sara rolled her eyes. “Not for you, it isn’t!”
Nat staggered back with a laugh. “Is that what this is about? I’m being punished for my success now?”
“That’s what you don’t get!” Sara said, pointing a finger at Nat with every word. “Your roommate moving out because everything in this city costs a million dollars is not your punishment! It has nothing to do with you, at all!”
Nat scoffed and rolled her eyes, but Sara kept talking.
“It’s not like I wanted to leave. I had no choice!” Sara shook her head and took a deep breath. “But now that you’re acting like this, I actually don’t want to live here anymore. Now I don’t want to tell you about my day, or what my new roommates are like —even though you also haven’t even asked me anything about it — and that sucks, because I thought you were my best friend.”
“I know the feeling.” Nat swallowed hard against the tears forming in her throat. The truth was, she did want to hear about the new roommates, and she deeply missed the constant back-and-forth updates on each other’s lives that sweetened the air when you were living with someone you loved. No matter what happened in her day, good or bad, it didn’t quite feel real until she had told Sara about it. But now it was going to take a series of texts, planning some future date and time, and an equidistant cocktail-or-brunch spot before Nat could tell her anything, when it used to be as easy as just walking into the living room. Now, who would be her confidant, her cheerleader, her co-pilot, and quite simply, who would care about what happened to her? On some level, she knew that Sara was leaving the apartment, not leaving her life, but as she faced her sudden future of hundreds of silent hours alone and no one to share them with, it didn’t feel like there was much of a difference.
And yet, here she was, pushing Sara away instead of taking advantage of one of their last few nights together as roommates. Nat hadn’t even told her about Thom, and she had no idea what had happened, or not, with Sara’s new résumé and job search. That was definitely something an unlikeable monster who couldn’t keep friends would do. Nat took a deep breath and tried to focus on Sara, not the shadows in the room. “Listen, it’s been a long day,” she said, letting her voice soften. “Why don’t I open a bottle of wine and we can put everything on pause and just chill?”
But Sara shook her head with a frown. “I’m sorry, but no.” She gathered her dinner and gave Nat a teary-eyed look. “I need some space.”
Nat’s heart clutched in her chest as she watched her friend pad down the hallway away from her and close her bedroomdoor. She was shut out. She was alone. And it seemed like she would have to get used to it.
Chapter 15
The week was off to a rainy start, and Nat couldn’t help but check to see if Whither, Weather had called the prediction correctly as she rode the bus to the office. It had — or rather, Rami had. For days-long stretches of rain like this, the mascot, Fun Sun, would be shown wearing a fuzzy gray cardigan and crying little blue tears. Some of Fun Sun’s characteristic pointy rays would droop over his head, giving the effect of swooping bangs. Nat had seen more than a few tattoos of Emo Sun on limbs around the hipster-y Mission District of San Francisco. She stared at the cartoon on her phone and felt the now-familiar mix of being impressed with Rami and also infuriated by him. His app inspired people to permanently ink it onto their bodies. If she listened to Rami, all her app left on its users were scars.
Several soggy blocks later, she shook the rain off her umbrella as she dashed into the building. In just the few days since she’d last been here, she’d made both Jo and Sara cry and storm away from her, but she had also secured a date with a man who was apparently perfect for her. Was that a wash, maybe? Nat sighed and flipped on the lights inside the BeTwo office. At least she was the first one here, so she could hole up in a corner and avoid the twins for as long as possible.
Opening her work email, she saw that Sara had repliedYESto the calendar invite to attend the BuzzFill opening event, where she and Rami would declare the results of their ridiculous stunt to the entire internet. Her heart fluttered — Sara couldn’t be that mad if she was agreeing to come see the interview. Then she noticed the timestamp — Saturday morning, which was before their fight and ensuing weekend of icy silence. Still, she hadn’t changed the RSVP, so maybe there was still hope that she would show. Considering that Nat still didn’t officially have a date for the event — which was kind of the whole purpose of theevent that was less than two weeks away — she was very much hoping to have at least a semi-friendly face somewhere in the audience.
Nat heard the office doors open, followed by the sounds of the twins grunting and squabbling.
“I said you should push and I would carry it!” Jo whined.
“Why would I let you carry it when you’re the one wearing heels?” came Justin’s exasperated reply.
Then there was a very loudthud,and both twins groaned.
Nat rushed out. “Are you OK?” she cried, taking in the sight of the twins rubbing their necks and looking at a very large, wet box on the floor.
Jo nodded but wouldn’t meet Nat’s eyes. She gave the enormous box a little shove with the toe of her kitten heels. “The swag arrived,” she mumbled.
