Page 48 of Swiped
“What? No!” Jo laughed, her manic energy back in full force. “That’snotwhat happened!”
Nat clicked around on her screen, unfazed. “It was smart to try and give the algorithm what it wants to win this thing, but I forgot that I was the one who designed the algorithm!”
“You did?” asked Jo.
“I’m not following,” Justin added.
Nat scowled. “Obviously I didn’t actually forget. What I mean is that I was too worried about the turkeys.”
“Should we cancel this, maybe?” squeaked Jo.
“Absolutely not!” Nat snapped her laptop shut and stood. “No one likes me, right? The guys on my app, the BuzzFill audience, my—” She bit her words back as she met Jo’s wide eyes. “No one. But you know who does like me?” Nat shook her curls. “Me.Ilike me. And I have to trust myself, or the algorithm I built, to be able to handle me.”
Justin raised his thick eyebrows. “That’s kinda beautiful, boss.”
Jo bit her manicured nails. “I don’t know if we should change strategies this late in the game.”
Nat scoffed. The fact that Jo thought her profile was doomed if it was accurate was all the more reason to do it and prove her wrong. “Well, it’s too late and it’s my call.”
Both twins nodded in silence.
“We’re on board,” said Jo, stoically. “But at the risk of you hating me, can I give you some advice for this interview that’s happening in, like, ten seconds?”
Nat swallowed a dry laugh. As if Jo cared about Nat hating her. “Of course,” she said, coolly.
Justin winced as Jo pushed ahead with her thought. “OK, so, I know this is bullshit, and you’re way smarter than this—”
Nat stifled an eye roll. Flattery, fine.
“But just be positive? Like channel the most annoying Instagram influencer you follow, OK?” Jo was practically pleading. “Project confidence that we’re gonna win this.”
Through the open door, she saw an obviously Rami-shaped figure heading toward the roof. “Iamgoing to win this,” said Nat, narrowing her eyes. “So, yeah, I’ll be perky, or whatever.”
“Gucci.” Jo nodded and went back to biting her nails.
Justin held out his palms. “You wanna do a quick grounding meditation?”
Nat shook her head. “Can’t say that I do, thanks.” She rolled her neck and stretched. “Let’s just get this over with.”
* * *
V crouched in front of the cameras and held out their fingers in a countdown. “We’re live in ten . . . nine . . . eight . . .”
Rami shifted in the folding chair next to Nat. He smelled good in a new way, like expensive flowers and mountain springs and cuddling with a book of crossword puzzles. It was infuriating. “Did you make it home OK last night?” he whispered to her.
“No, I’m dead in a gutter somewhere, thanks for checking.” She snuck a glance at him through the glaring stage lights. “Are you OK?”
He stared straight ahead with a blank expression. “Never better.”
V waved their hand wildly and pointed to Tracy, whose posture seemed to leap out of her body with sudden poise.
“Hey you, guys, thanks for tuning into this BuzzFill BuzzCheck Exclusive interview with our very own dating lab rats, Nat Lane and Rami Zamir!” Tracy gestured to her subjects as the spotlights glinted on her creamy manicure and gold rings.
Nat raised her bare hand in a timid wave. With all of the stage lighting, she could only see about three feet around herin any direction. It appeared as though she, Rami, and Tracy were simply levitating in a cloud of blinding white, which was jarringly heavenly imagery for what felt very much like hell.
She blinked into the glare as two shadowy blobs began to form at the edge of her vision. The twins — her angels and her demons. They gave her matching thumbs-up signs.
Tracy continued. “We’re just about halfway into this little experiment, so let’s see how the competition is shaping up!” She turned to face Nat and Rami with a dazzling smile. “Rami, let’s start with you. How is the analog dating life?”
