Page 42 of Swiped
“Exactly.” He raked his knuckles against the dimple in his chin. “She was traveling a lot, and I didn’t want to ask her out too soon and scare her off. So, this went on and on until, finally, we met up.”
“And she was totally different?”
He shook his head. “No, she was smart and cute and we had lots in common.” He sighed. “There just wasn’t thatthing.”
“A spark,” Nat said, as Nick’s handsome face and utterly lifeless kiss flashed in her mind.
“A hook,” he agreed.
“But then it’s almost like you feel that youhaveto like them.”
“Even though you don’t like them. And it doesn’t make sense that you don’t!”
“Because you’ve invested all this time!” said Nat, raising her hands for emphasis. “But you still don’t.”
Rami nodded in knowing sadness.
Nat sipped her martini. She liked how the red glow of the bar lit his deep-set eyes and Roman nose — an elegant profile. She felt ease spreading in her chest like she was breathing sweet,cool air. Maybe it was the martinis. But she knew her drinks and herself too well to go with that explanation. It was a feeling she’d noticed before whenever she talked to Rami. No matter what he said to her, she responded from some deep, reflexive place in her mind — no debating words, no clench of anxiety, no ringing in her ears that made her voice sound hollow and shrill. Even when he was frustrating her so much that she wanted to scream, it was an authentic scream. With other people, she usually felt like there were two versions of her at all times, one saying the words and making the moves, and another one hovering like a commentator to score and strategize on every step. It was hard to remember a time when she hadn’t felt that way. In fact, maybe she’d never noticed it was just a feeling and not a permanent state of being until, like now, it was just suddenly, beautifully, gone.
Rami shot her a glance through his thick lashes. “Let me guess, how long did your date with this guy last tonight? Two hours?”
“Three!” she blurted. “Why didn’t I just leave after one drink?”
“The sunk cost fallacy.” He rubbed his hands together like he was about to dive into a good meal. “This is something I’ve thought about a lot, actually.” He leaned closer to her, eyes dancing in the low light. “At a certain point, it becomes harder to walk away from something even though you know it’s going nowhere. You keep trying to tell yourself that you can save it . . .”
“Yes!” Nat touched his arm, charged up to hear her terrible evening narrated in a logical way that she could make sense of. “Your brain is like, ‘Oh, remember that really smart thing he said about politics? He’s notuninteresting. And he’s objectively really hot!’”
Rami laughed and picked up the thread. “One more drink and you’ll click.” He rubbed a hand over where she had touched his arm. “And then another hour goes by, and another . . .”
“Until suddenly, you’re a little drunk and not even listening to him because you realize that you can’t remember a single person who actually enjoys your company!”
Rami raised his eyebrows. Nat bit her lip. The echo of her confession flamed hot on her cheeks. Her eyes darted at him with a sheepish glance.
He lifted his glass to her. “Or you find your girlfriend kissing Hot Patrick from the mailroom, and you have no idea what just happened to your life.”
Nat’s hand flew to her chest in surprise. “Ouch. Really?”
Rami slumped over his glass but gave her a sad, knowing smile.
Nat picked up her glass with a shaky hand and clinked a toast before they both drained their cocktails in unison.
Rami signaled for another round. “And you’re not so bad.” He gave her a shy glance. “Don’t let the turkeys get you down.”
Nat snorted a laugh. “Turkeys?”
“Yeah. I say, anyone who doesn’t treat me with respect is a turkey, because clearly those things are dumb.”
Nat felt her eyes crinkle. “Is it really that easy for you to brush it off?”
Rami sighed. “No.” He raked long fingers over his face, like wiping cobwebs from his eyes. “Therapy helps, and anxiety meds, but really, it’s laziness. So many people don’t like me already, so to argue with them all would be truly . . .” He trailed off as he eyed his drink.
“Exhausting,” finished Nat. “Easier to just stick with the people who are able to stand you, even if that’s literally only one person.”
Rami raised his glass in a silent salute. “You get it.”
“Yeah,” Nat said softly, feeling suddenly morose. The reality of being no closer to winning the contest washed over her. She took the last swallow of her martini. “Anyway, now I get to go on long and disappointing dates, so it’s fine.”
Rami motioned for the check. “Did you get any food on this long and disappointing date?”
