Page 51 of Cinematic Destinies
“Wait, I—”
“No, I’m done,” Ryan said, and he walked away.
Albert couldn’t believe what was happening; suddenly, it was like everything was moving in slow motion. He had a ringing in his ears and could feel his heart beating out of his chest. He took a few deep breaths and got up to look for Ryan, walking through the kitchen and out to the small back porch where he came face-to-face with him.
Ryan grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter off a little table, lit a cigarette, exhaled a line of smoke, and turned away. Albert came up behind him and touched his shoulder, but Ryan shrugged him off.
Albert took a step back. “I’m sorry. We agreed no—”
“No public affection, I know.” Ryan turned around to face him. “Al, that was months ago and it was supposed to be temporary. With where our relationship is now, I can’t believe it’s still even an issue. My God, everyone in there knows we’re together. They’re our closest fucking friends.”
“I know. It was just an instinct. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“You want to spend the night with me for the first time, but you won’t even let me kiss you because you’re terrified our friends might see and take a picture. Do you know how messed up that is? How that makes me feel?”
“I’m so sorry. I . . .”
“Please, don’t try to justify it,” Ryan said, dropping down into a chair. He put his head in his hands, took a long moment, and then looked at Albert. “You hurt me; do you get that? I like you so much, and I felt like we had become really close, but you still treat me like I’m a secret. Something to hide. Something to be ashamed of.”
“I didn’t mean it that way. It isn’t about you; it’s just how I’ve always been, because of how I grew up in this weird fishbowl.”
“Maybe I can’t relate to how you grew up or why you’re so scared, but what I do know is how it makes me feel. I honestly thought you’d be past this by now, that the longer we were together, the more comfortable you’d feel just being yourself.”
“I don’t know what to say to fix this,” Albert mumbled.
“Look, you’ve got some stuff to figure out. Until you do, we can’t see each other. I just can’t do it anymore. Not like this.”
Albert felt like he couldn’t breathe. His gaze dropped to his feet as he tried to compose his thoughts. “Please . . . I . . .”
“We can still try to be friends, eventually. I just need some space for a while.”
Albert looked up and tried to steady himself. He saw the resolve in Ryan’s eyes and murmured, “Yeah, okay. I understand. I’ll go.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. You don’t have to go. It’s your party.”
“They’re your friends.”
“Al, they’re your friends too. This doesn’t change that. I just need some space. We can keep our distance, or if you’re too uncomfortable, I’ll leave.”
“No, it’s okay. I should go.” Albert started to walk away, turned back, and said, “Ryan, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to mess everything up.”
He shuffled through the apartment to the front door. Lucy saw him and ran over. “Al, are you leaving already?”
“Thank you so much for the party. It was incredibly sweet of you; it’s just . . . I have to go,” he muttered as tears began to fall from his eyes.
“Oh, honey,” Lucy said, wrapping him in a hug.
He sniffled and pulled back. “I’m sorry. Thank you for everything.”
By the time Albert made his way onto the street, tears were streaming down his cheeks. He used his sleeve to wipe his face and started toward the trolley station. With a lump in his throat and a stabbing pain in his stomach, he wondered how he could have managed to ruin the best night of his life.
CHAPTER 14
Soon it was the evening before the final day of the shoot. As they were finishing their meal, Michael said, “Jean, so this is it. Tomorrow is your last day of filming. That’s pretty major.”
“Eh,” he replied, dismissively waving his hand.
“Come on,” Michael pressed. “Someone like you retiring. It’s a big deal. What are your plans? Any travel?”
