Page 38 of After the Red Carpet
“I don’t know. I just am. I would hope you’d be emotional if I wanted to kiss another man.” She slipped on her silk robe and shuffled to the bedroom door, tears streaming down her face.
“Ella . . .” he called.
“I’m going to sleep in one of the guest rooms. Please just leave me alone. You don’t care about how I feel, and it hurts too much to be near you right now,” she said, closing the door behind her.
“Fuck,” Finn grumbled, pacing around the room and muttering to himself in frustration. “She’s being totally irrational. I’m a fucking actor.” He sat down on the love seat and gripped his head in his hands. Soon, his mind drifted to the summer he left for Sweden and how his old girlfriend had given him permission to fool around whilehe was away, how little she cared and how wrong that was, and how right it felt when he fell in love with Ella. Every promise he had ever made to her echoed in his mind as he remembered how her touch made him feel.
Swept away in a swirl of memories, he went to find her, ambling into the nearest guest bedroom. He found her there, lying on her side, her wild spiral curls fanned out behind her, tissues strewn everywhere. Finn lay down, slipped his arm over her, and pressed himself closely to her, the silk of her robe soft on his body. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered.
“I never wanted to love you, but you pushed me and now I can’t help but to love you. You promised my heart was safe with you,” she whimpered.
“It is. I love you so much.”
“Have you any idea what it’s like?” Ella asked through a sniffle. “I have to see things you never would. There are thousands of photographs of you with every woman you’ve ever dated, and the media constantly finds ways to splash them all over the place. Your fans have social media accounts dedicated to how hot you are. Some even post about how they can’t wait for us to split up so you’ll be on the market again.”
“Baby, I had no idea. I never look at that junk.”
“I try to avoid it, but sometimes it’s impossible. It’s not always easy to love someone the whole world fantasizes about. Then there are your movies. All those intimate acts recorded forever, images I can’t unsee. At least it was all before me, so I have an easier time putting it out of my mind, remembering that it’s your job, and focusing on us. But now you want to put more of it into the world. So much of this you can’t control, but this . . .” She paused as her voice cracked. “This, you’re choosing. You’re choosing to kiss someone else.”
He sighed. “You’re right. You’re my partner in everything, and I should have taken your feelings into account. I’m so sorry.” She sniffled and turned to face him. He wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’ve been acting since I was a kid. I’ve never had to consider anyone else when selecting projects, so it didn’t even occur to me. It should have. I’m sorry. You are the most important thing in my world, and I would never want to hurt you. I promise I’ll fix this.”
She leaned her cheek against his chest, and he cradled her head in his arms. “Maybe I love you too much,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to love you less.”
He dropped a kiss in her hair. “My beautiful Ella. Don’t ever love me less.”
ELLA OPENED HER EYES AT THE EARLYmorning light, still nestled against Finn. “Hey, you,” he said, kissing the top of her head.
“You’re up early.”
“I barely slept. Baby, I’m so sorry about the movie. You were right. The more I think about it and how I would feel if things were reversed, I know it’s not worth it. I’m going to call my agent. Nothing’s been signed, so it’s not too late to get out of it.”
“Finn, that isn’t what I want.”
“I don’t understand. I thought . . .”
“What I want is for you to take my feelings seriously. I want to be a factor in your decision-making.”
“But you said the sex scenes are too much for you, that if I have to kiss an actress it will break your heart.”
“It will. A little piece of it. So, when you’re choosing which roles to take, I hope you’ll think about that, think about what’s being asked of you and how it will make me feel. Think about how our children may feel one day ifthey see it. Then weigh all of it up against the quality of the script, how badly you want the part, how important the sexy stuff is to the film. Finn, I know you’re an actor—a beautiful, gifted performer,” she said, sweeping her fingertips down his face. “I know that’s a big part of who you are, and I don’t want to control it or take it away from you. But we have linked our lives. It’s not just you anymore. What you do affects me. It can change things between us. I’m just asking you to remember that. Prioritize our relationship along with whatever else you want for yourself. I love you. Please be gentle with my heart.” She paused to consider her words. “This is new for both of us. I don’t know what all the answers are, but there must be a way to balance who we each are with who we are together.”
Finn kissed her forehead. “I’ll make it my mission to find that balance. As for this movie, after thinking about what you said last night, I don’t know if I could ever kiss someone else again, even though it’s only work. I certainly couldn’t manage to make it look believable. What we have is so special, and I don’t want to do anything to diminish or change it. Hurting you is unbearable.”
“Give it some time. Mull it over. I love you for who you are, and you’re an artist. I knew the score from day one. The last thing I’d ever want is for you to feel you have to choose between me and something you want for yourself. All I’m asking is that you consider me. Consider us.”
“I promise I will. I hope you know what you mean to me.”
“Well . . . how about you show me in a private love scene?” Ella suggested, pulling him closer.
A WEEK LATER, FINN CALLED ELLAfrom his trailer during some downtime on set.
“Hey, you,” she answered.
“Hi, sweetheart. My agent just got back to me. He told them I wouldn’t do it without specific rewrites to the script. They hemmed and hawed for a few days, but in the end, they were fine with it. They wanted my name attached for the box office appeal.”
“No surprise there. You are the best,” she said.
“The opening scene has been changed. There’s a naked woman in my character’s bed, but he just gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom. The sex is implied. I never even touch her. Most importantly, no kissing. They actually like it better this way—fits the unattached, tough-guy nature of the character.”
