Page 23 of After the Red Carpet
“How can I help?” Joyce asked.
A LITTLE WHILE LATER, FINN WENT TOthe kitchen looking for Ella so he could properly apologize. He found Joyce cleaning up and asked, “Where’s Ella?”
“We finished up for the day, and she said she was tired and wanted to rest.”
“Thanks,” Finn said, turning to leave.
“Finn?” Joyce called.
“Yes?” he replied, turning to her.
“I may be overstepping, but you once said that nothing was more important to you than Ella’s happiness and that we should all do everything we can, and . . .”
“Please, speak freely,” he said.
“Today was the happiest I’ve seen her since she moved here. She was having a ball. She was so excited for you to see everything.”
Finn sighed.
“When she came back after speaking with you, she was crying.”
He shuddered. “Thank you for telling me, Joyce.”
With his head hung and his shoulders slumped, he wentupstairs to their bedroom and lightly tapped on the door before letting himself in. Ella was standing at the window, her back to him. “Ella,” he said quietly.
She sniffled. “I’m sorry if I’m in your way. I was just coming to take a nap.”
“You’re not in my way,” he said as he approached her. “You could never be in my way.” He put his arms around her waist and whispered, “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
“Nothing I do pleases you,” she said, bursting into tears.
“Oh, baby, that isn’t true.”
“My clothes, my car, even the way I throw a dinner party,” she sputtered in between sobs. “To you, everything I do is wrong. Everything about me is wrong.”
“Sweetheart, nothing could be further from the truth. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” Finn said, rubbing her back. “Please, baby. Let me see your eyes.”
Ella turned to him, her face red and puffy. He used his thumbs to gently wipe the tears from under her eyes. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and softly said, “I was scared. I was scared out of my mind and I fucked up. I’m so sorry. Please let me try to explain.” He guided her to the love seat, and they sat down together. They held each other and he rubbed her back, all the while whispering, “I’m so sorry.”
Eventually, she pulled back, looked into his eyes, and said, “I was just trying to make things special for tomorrow night.”
“I know, baby,” he replied, caressing her cheek. “I panicked, thinking my life might be overtaking yours. I was afraid that if meeting my friends took too much energy, became too inconvenient, took time away from your work, then . . .”
“What?”
“You’d decide it was all too much and you might leave me.”
“I would never leave you,” she said.
“You already did.”
“Oh, Finn.” She took a deep breath and said, “That last morning we were together in Sweden, tearing myself out of bed, out of your arms, was the hardest, most agonizing thing I’ve ever done in my life. I loved you so much. I know I hurt you terribly, and I would give anything to take that away. I’m so sorry. There isn’t a day that has passed that I haven’t been filled with regret for leaving.”
“It was my fault, Ella. It was all my fault.”
“Finn, I was scared. It wasn’t your fault, it was . . .”
“Baby, I know you’ve blamed yourself, and I shouldn’t have let you. It was my fault. When we met, I didn’t tell you I was seeing someone else. Letting you find out secondhand, how could I expect you to trust me after that?” She shook her head, but he stroked her cheek and continued. “I fell in love with you so deeply, so instantly. We had only known each other for a few days when I told you how I felt and asked you to tell me you were mine. Within a matter of weeks, I told you I wanted to marry you and pressured you to uproot your life to be with me. I knew it was a lot for you, but I pressed anyway. So many times, I could see you were trying to tell me it was too much, but I always interrupted you, brushed you off, or tried to steer the conversation back to how much we loved each other. You needed more time, and I should have given it to you. All that pain we both went through was my fault. I’m so sorry.”
