Page 54 of The Location Shoot
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I’ve never broken character or run off set before. Never. It’s just . . .”
“I’m a good listener, if you want to talk.”
“I usually keep things pretty close to the vest. We English aren’t like you Americans. Stiff upper lip and all.”
Ella smiled kindly.
“The scene hit pretty close to home,” Charlotte continued. “My husband is a playwright and director. We’ve always been married to our work. In the beginning, that’s how we both wanted it.”
“And now?” Ella asked.
“Perhaps there’s more to life. Perhaps I’m missing out on something. I’ve been thinking that I’d like to have a child. When I broached it with him, he immediately countered with all the ways it would interfere with my career. I looked into adoption as a possibility, but I’m not really sure if that’s the answer. Maybe he doesn’t want a child, or maybe he just doesn’t want one with me. I honestly don’t know. I’m terrified to find out.”
Ella embraced her in a warm hug. Charlotte wrapped her arms around her in return. The women held each other in the summer sunshine, breathing the fresh, free air. When they parted, Ella said, “A child isn’t something you should give up on. Try to use the time you have here to build up the courage to confront this when you go home.”
“I’m not even sure if I’d be a good mother.” Charlotte paused and shook her head. “Have you ever felt that way, like there’s something you desperately want but you don’t know if you’re up to it?”
“Yes,” Ella said softly. “Finn is planning a whole life for us, and I want it so badly. I love him, but . . .”
“You’re not sure you can do it? Like you don’t know how to have that life and still be who you are. You can’t trust that you’re totally ready for it, or that he’ll be able to pick up the slack if you falter. Right?”
Ella nodded.
“Well, I know I must seem like the last person to give advice right now, but I’m certain that Finn loves you. Pretty clear that you love him too.”
Ella smiled. “If the scene is too much for you, I can talk to Jean. Maybe he already got what he needs.”
“Thank you, but the one thing I can do is act, and that’s exactly what I need to do now. I’m just worried about what they’ll all think with the way I behaved.”
“Don’t give it another thought. They’re human. They’ll understand. If you were an American actress, you wouldn’t think twice about it. Everyone would just assume that you’re temperamental and move on.”
Charlotte laughed. “Ella, will you keep this between us? I wouldn’t want . . .”
“Of course. Shall we head back in?”
Charlotte nodded and they walked back inside. Everyone turned to look.
Finn rushed over. “Are you all right? I’m sorry if . . .”
“She’s fine. She just needed a moment,” Ella said.
Charlotte turned to Jean and said, “I apologize. After a makeup retouch, I’m ready to get back to work.”
“Places, everyone,” Jean called.
FINN DROPPED HIS SCRIPT ON THEnightstand and slung his arm around Ella. She put her book down and gazed into his eyes.
“Are you sure Charlotte’s okay?” he asked. “She killed it today when she got back to set, but she was pretty quiet at dinner.”
“She’s just working some personal things out. She’ll be all right. I would tell you, but I promised her . . .”
“It’s okay, baby,” he said, kissing her softly. “It was sweet of you to help her. I really felt terrible.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes art strikes a nerve or pulls the scab off a wound that’s not yet healed, that’s all.”
“It can get pretty intense on location like this. I’ve seen actors affected in all sorts of ways.”
