Page 31 of The Location Shoot
“Wow,” Finn muttered. “I don’t know how to respond.”
“That’s my point. When these are the choices, what’s the answer? How do we define morality? Who’s a good guy? Who’s a bad guy? What matters, life or art? How are they related? What’s public and what’s private? Despite what many claim, it’s rarely as simple as we might wish. Life is textured.” She paused. “As for me, I adore Jean as a friend and as an artist, but you’d never catch me in bed with him.”
Finn laughed. “I’m glad to hear that,” he said as he gently let his hand graze hers.
She flinched and pulled away.
“Ella,” he said, grabbing her hand. They both stopped in their tracks. “What’s wrong?” She didn’t respond, so he continued, “You’ve barely looked at me all night. Is it about the shoot today? I was horribly uncomfortable that you had to see that, but . . .”
“It’s not that. I understand what acting is.”
“I was thinking about you,” he said. “Every time I kissed her, I looked at you and . . .”
“Finn, you have a girlfriend. Michael told me.”
He looked down and sighed. Then he stared deep into her eyes and said, “I’m so sorry, Ella. I was going to tell you. I . . .”
She dropped his hand. “You don’t owe me anything. Nothing happened between us. I thought there might be something, but I misinterpreted things.”
“No, you didn’t. Please, let me explain. Yes, I have a girlfriend. Her name is Savannah. We’ve been together for nearly two years, and she’s been pressuring me to move in together and get married, but it hasn’t felt right to me. I’ve known for a long time that we aren’t right, but I’ve been too cowardly to end it. I tried to end things with her before I left, but she wanted me to wait until the shoot was over, which I agreed to do. I saw coming here as a break to clearmy head and make a decision, but in my heart, I knew the decision was already made. I told Michael all of this. I’m sure he left that part out because he has the hots for you.”
“His motives aren’t the issue,” she said.
“Ella, I was already thinking about ending things with Savannah before I came here. Hell, I even tried to do it. I swear to you that’s the truth. Then I met you. I never expected anything like this, like the way I feel about you.” He gently caressed the side of her face. “You’re so beautiful.”
“Finn . . .”
“I haven’t even kissed you, and I’m already falling in love with you.”
“Finn, please,” she said softly. “Even if everything you’re saying is true, I can’t. You’re with someone else, and that’s a line I just don’t cross.”
“Ella, I don’t love her.”
“Then you need to figure out why you’re with someone you don’t love. But it can’t be because, well . . .”
“I know you feel it too. The connection we share is not something that comes along every day. Maybe only once, if you’re lucky.”
Her eyes became misty. A tear slid down her face. He used his thumb to gently wipe it away.
“Come here,” he said, and he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him and rested her head on his firm chest. He rubbed the back of her head. “God, it feels so good to hold you, like this is how it’s meant to be.” A few minutes passed before she pulled away. She gazed into his eyes, and he put his hand on her cheek.
“Finn, I don’t want to be a part of something messy. And . . .”
“What?” he asked, tenderly caressing her face.
“If you could leave her for me, you could leave me for the next one. I don’t want to set myself up to get hurt.”
“I could never hurt you,” he whispered.
She glanced down. “Please, let’s be friends.”
He sighed. “If that’s really what you want, I’ll respect your feelings. But please just spend some time with me. That’s all I’m asking for. See how you feel.”
She looked deep into his eyes, and after a moment passed, she said, “Okay.”
“Can I hold your hand?”
She nodded and he took her hand, gently massaging her skin with his fingers as they continued walking.
