Page 111 of Chokehold
“I’m scared,” I admit, and Tiago sits forward as the race on the screen gets intense.
“Why are you scared?”
“I don’t know how to handle these emotions. I want to punch him one minute and fuck him the next.”
Tiago barks a laugh.
“I love his smart mouth and his prickly attitude, but I fucking hate how he’s so quick to retreat and hide behind his fucking walls.” I flop back and release a frustrated groan as I sink lower on the couch. “Why the fuck won’t he answer my texts? What the hell did I do?”
“Welcome to the world of chicks.” As if he realizes what he just said, he pauses, then shrugs. “I mean, he’s a guy… I have no experience with men, but it can’t be that different, right? Relationships are relationships. It’s like walking on eggshells. One minute, they’re happy, and you’re the man of their dreams. Then, the next, they’re screaming in your face, and you’re apologizing for shit you haven’t done.”
“He’s not screaming, though. And I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I would prefer it if he yelled at me. At least then, I could fix…this. Whatever this is…”
Tiago curses at the game, then looks at me, but his attention soon gets diverted back to the action on the screen. I blow out a breath and stare up at the ceiling, half lying on his armchair. The T-shirt has ridden halfway up my back—that’s how far down I’ve slid on this piece of furniture. Fuck my life. Why can’t he return home so I can fuck it better? I bet if I suck him off, he’ll smile at me again.
“How do you handle emotions?” I ask Tiago, and he frowns, sparing me a brief glance. Another car rams into him from behind, and he lets out a string of expletives. “You just learn to handle them with time.” Giving up on the game, he tosses the controller beside him. “Look…I get it. You haven’t been in love before, and it’s frustrating and scary as fuck. Remember Amber?”
I wrack my brain. “High school?”
“That’s the one. She had big tits and braces.”
“I vaguely remember.”
“You’re a shit friend…” Tiago chuckles. “She was my girlfriend for seven months.”
My lips spread into a smile, and I snicker too. “Sorry, I’m a mess.”
“My point is that I was crazy about her. She was the first girl I ever fell in love with. We’re talking cheesy shit like butterflies and all that stuff guys don’t talk about.”
I hum an agreeing sound.
“I didn’t know how to behave around her. It was scary as hell.” He sits straighter. “But I knew one thing. Whatever you do, Blaise, you can’t force Cole.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, and he gives me a pointed look.
“You can be very…full on when you want something.”
His comment makes me bristle. I scoff and shake my head, ignoring the niggling voice that knows he’s right. “Don’t you think I’ve tried to be…better? This is who I am, Tiago.”
“I’m not attacking you. I’m just saying. Give him space. Don’t blow up his phone. Wait for him to come to you, and then ask him what’s wrong.”
My heart squeezes uncomfortably, and I have to clear my throat. “What if he doesn’t come to me?”
Tiago’s eyes soften. He feels sorry for me. I’m too vulnerable to take offense. Normally, I don’t like to show weakness or even admit that I have any. But this need, this desire to own and possess someone while also making them happy, is new to me. I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t have any previous experience to draw from. It was so much easier when I just wanted to ruin Cole and watch him squirm like a dying worm. Not buy him chocolates to make him smile and cuddle him like a koala bear at night so I can listen to his heartbeat beneath my ear.
“If he loves you, he’ll come to you.”
I stare at him until my eyes water, either from not blinking enough or from the strange ache in my chest. Whatever it is, I don’t like it. A damaged car can be fixed. A broken leg can be put in a cast. But this… I don’t know what the hell to do.
“I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.” I sound whiny.
I hate that, too.
Tiago hands me the controller. “Want to race?”
Clenching my jaw, I wiggle the stick with my thumb, then nod before sitting up properly in the chair. “Okay…”
“Okay?”
