Page 88 of Restitution
I know. I know everything about you, Freckles.
We take off again, and at some points in the drive, she tries to take control, but I value her being alive, so I make sure I dominate her movements, but only enough so she still thinks she can drive a motorbike.
I like this. It’s calming, hearing her little gasps when we speed up, seeing her hair flying around, feeling the cold air on our skins. The SUV keeps up, even as we swerve between cars on the motorway. We stop for food, eat it in comfortable silence then we’re off again.
The entire way to Stirling, Stacey sits in front of me, and I feel her against me, and I like it. I wish I could stay here.
We pull up on my driveway, and the garage opens as I direct us into it. She lets out a long breath. “That was amazing,” she says, taking the helmet off. “My heart is going so fast. Feel it.” She takes my hand and presses it to her chest, and although I freeze everywhere, I can feel the beating heart that belongs to me.
She uses her free hand to pull up my visor when I stay silent.
“It’s the adrenaline,” I say, holding her eye contact. “Sometimes it can get really overwhelming.”
“My heart’s been pounding in my chest since you asked me to come here with you.”
The corner of my lip curls. “You’re getting soft in your old age, Stacey.”
She smacks my hand away and swings off the bike. I follow,hearing the SUV pulling into the driveway.
“Stay here. I’ll only be a minute.”
She nods, and I leave her in the garage, knowing my guards are right outside, while I hunt for my bag and laptop, finding them both in the office I rarely use. I check for the charger and stuff the laptop in the bag, then riffle through the drawers of my desk for paperwork.
I glance up when I hear movement – Stacey is standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in her hand. “What’s this?”
My eyes don’t stray. “Nothing.”
“You’re addressing everyone in it and apologising for everything as if you’re going to die.” She scans the words, turning the paper over and pausing. “And lastly, the most important person in my life, my girl Stacey Rhodes. My Freckles. My forever. What can I say to make any of this better? I hope my death means you’re free, and that—” She glances up. “Why did the note stop?”
I look down. “It’s nothing.”
“It looks like a suicide note. I…” She pauses again, glancing over her shoulder and gasping. “What happened in there?”
Shit. Fucking shit.
I drop my bag as she walks into my destroyed bedroom, stopping when she covers her mouth on a gasp. Speechlessly, she lowers herself to her knees and picks up the ultrasound picture of our daughter. Her grip on it shakes, my suicide note in the other hand.
“Stacey…”
Her bottom lip trembles as she crawls forward over the broken glass from me punching my mirror, snatching up the princess dress. “Oh God,” she sobs, cuddling it to her chest as she screws her eyes shut. “You had everything. I-I-I-I only had theultrasound picture. Chris burned it, and after we broke up, I had nothing from when I was pregnant with her.”
I step in slowly, glass crunching beneath my shoes, and lower onto the bed, sitting in silence as Stacey rocks back and forth with tears streaming down her face.
She looks to the left, seeing the drawing of her I did all ripped up then lifting the piece of paper that has my five rules on it. She shakes her head, another sob dropping before she lets it slide from her fingers.
“Why is life so cruel?”
“I wish I knew,” I reply. “I lost control the last time I was here and wrecked the place. I never intended for anyone to see this. I forgot when I asked you. I’m sorry.”
Stacey sniffs, the dress still in her lap as she picks up a picture of us two. She rubs her thumb over our smiling faces. The only worry in the world we had back then was how my sister would react to our relationship.
“We’re never going to be them again, are we?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“I miss how happy we were,” she says, sniffing some more as she rests her head on my knee, cuddling the dress and holding the picture. “I’m sorry Jason jumped in front of me.”
I frown. “You have nothing to apologise for.”
