Page 129 of Restitution
We stay like this for what feels like forever, a comfortable silence, as he slowly lets the controller slide from his other hand and drop to the floor.
“He used to sneak me in here when I was a kid. My mum sent me to bed for school, and Jason always made sure we spent the night gaming at least once a week. When I was grounded, he’d offer to babysit me while our parents went out, and we’d have this place filled with pillow forts and snacks. Luciella sometimes joined too.”
I tighten my fingers around his hand as my heart twists in mychest. “He was a good brother.”
“The best,” he says, still not blinking. “He taught me how to drive. Took me skiing in France. Bought me the newest release of every game I liked. And he was the first person I told when I kissed you. He was hyping me up to kiss you again then celebrated when I told him you were my girlfriend. I told him before anyone else that you were pregnant too.”
“You did?”
He nods and deeply exhales. “Fuck, I miss him, Stacey. I wish I’d had time to say I was sorry for kicking him out of my life. He was drinking himself to death and abusing drugs, and I wasn’t there to help him.”
“But you did apologise to him.”
He looks at me, his eyes bloodshot. “When?”
“You ran away at the lodge, and we found you in the forest. Jason was the one who snapped you out of the spiral. You were apologising to him for everything. He forgave you.”
Kade doesn’t seem to remember that part; his brows are knitting together, but he no longer appears spaced out. “I… I didn’t know that.” He drops his face into his hand. “There’s so much going on in my head. We can’t track down my dad, and I’m starting to think he’s actually dead. I’m just so fucking tired. I… There are detectives on their way here, and I’ve given them clearance to come through.”
“You’ll speak to them?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, I don’t know what other choice I have. Barry said they just want to talk to me. There still aren’t any charges on my record. He said it’s squeaky clean. Even the offences from when I was younger have been scrubbed – Bernadette’s erased every little detail.”
There’s a knock at the door, and a voice says, “Sir, Sebastian Prince is here.”
38
KADE
My skin prickles with discomfort as Ewan and my mum follow behind me and Stacey with a few of my men in tow. Each step feels like I’m walking to my death, even though I’m just going outside to welcome my best friend and speak to detectives.
There’s a riot in my head, and I have no idea how to make it stop.
Anxiety has always been an annoying factor in my life. Right now, my heart is racing, and I feel like I can’t take a proper breath. I feel sick. My vision is hazy, and I’m certain I’m crushing Stacey’s hand in mine. I want nothing more than to drag her to the bedroom and hide there. We could fuck and sleep then fuck some more. I might even cry into her lap just to get thisfucking weird feeling out of my system.
It feels like Bernadette is sitting on my chest, laughing in my face as she crushes me, and no matter how much I silently scream at her to get off, she doesn’t.
She’s driving a knife into my heart and twisting. Any moment, she might appear and ruin my life even more. My therapist says that the fear of losing what I have is my trauma response, and instead of fighting my attacks, I need to breathe through them – not focus on my heartbeat or how harshly I’m breathing.
I count my steps instead. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. I even count Stacey’s – hers are quicker as she tries to match my pace.
She’s probably sore – all we’ve been doing is fucking recently. I have years to make up for, and making love to my girl, lying with her in my arms or even just having her look at me keeps me grounded.
My body’s still alive from her interrupting my workout. I might even drag her into a room now and beg her to take my mind off the way I’m feeling by letting me drop to my knees and eat her pussy.
I make a mental note to smash Base in the balls for pulling me away from my safe place with Stacey, shut off from the world, and having me stand at the entrance of the manor while his red Aston Martin takes fucking years to drive up the cobbled path, followed by his army of Russian soldiers.
The dogs are waiting patiently too, sitting by my side.
I try not to look at the police car trailing behind. What if they’re lying and the only reason there’s no charges and nothing in my file is because this is all a ruse? They could easily put me in handcuffs and take me away from my unit.
How the fuck do I protect what’s left of my family if they take me away? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I watch as the detectives climb out of the patrol car first in fitted suits, standing aside so the packed coaches and SUVs can park up. I knew Base had a lot of backup, but this many people? Where the fuck is my mother going to have them sleep?
The crowds are cheering, chanting my name in the distance as they all notice me, hand in hand with my girlfriend. As much as I appreciate the support, they need to leave. If anyone comes for me, they’ll all be in danger.
There are teenagers out there, for fuck’s sake.
