Page 127 of Restitution
“You should be proud of yourself then. It can take a long time for someone in your position to fight back.” He notes down what we’re saying. “Do you feel lost?”
I shake my head. “Even when he was here, I wasn’t lost. I was scared of him, put up with his violence, but I never let him break me.” I gulp down the water. “You’d think with everything he put me through, I’d be fragile and a shell, but I guess I got used to it.”
For the next hour, we talk back and forth about my childhood, what school was like, when I met my friends, how I felt when I lost my parents, right up until Kade lost his brother and the terror that followed. He listens, and the more I talk, the more the words flow out my mouth. Unloading my emotions has never felt so… free.
“Do you still dance?”
“Yes, but not often for myself. I try to keep Luciella calm bydancing with her. I’ve been so focused on helping Kade too.”
The man sets aside his notes and takes his ankle from his knee to lean forward. “You need to focus on yourself. Mr Mitchell has more than enough support. Help yourself. Love yourself. I want you to dance until you’re in tears from the overload of emotions. I want you toscream. Write down your thoughts. Always, always put yourself first going forward. Do you understand, Miss Rhodes?”
I lower my eyes. “I’ll try. I don’t think I’ve ever put myself first, because I had no future that looked pretty. Chris robbed me of everything, and I’ve been zoned in on Kade to try to make sure he’s okay.”
“And do you have a future now?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I can see us as a family, living in a house he’s built, with our two dogs and children running wild in the garden. I can see myself performing during a dance show, and spending time with my two friends without feeling bad for always lying. I used to make up excuses when Chris would force me to come home.”
He smiles. “I won’t medicate you. I don’t believe you need that kind of intervention, but I would like to see you regularly. Under the circumstances of the… manor being locked down, if I struggle to get past the crowds, then I can meet with you via video call.”
“I’d like that.”
“We can also do couples therapy. I think, although you are both working on your relationship, it could help.”
I nod. “Anything.”
“Thanks for having the courage to talk. It’s the first step.” He shakes my hand. “Before anyone else, love yourself, Miss Rhodes. You cannot give your all to someone if you aren’t doing the samefor yourself.”
I nod again, trying to force down the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
When the therapist leaves, he’s escorted to the gates by four guards. I watch the CCTV footage from the sitting room; the crowd moves aside to create a path for him to reach his car. I smile at all the new faces I can see.
The young man from earlier – who tells me his name is Malcolm – walks beside me as I go to the kitchen. My friends look like they’ve just woken, and Aria grins at me as she pulls pastries from the oven and sets them on the counter to cool.
“Dr Daniels is great. He was my therapist when I was pregnant with the twins. How did you find speaking with him?”
I slide into the seat at the breakfast bar beside Luciella and Tylar, who are eating cereal. “I felt strangely comfortable. I’m going to see him again.”
Aria’s eyes light up as she moves around the kitchen. This is what she’s been like since we got back to the manor – constantly on the go, refusing to sit down and relax.
“How are you feeling?” I ask them. “Did you both sleep well?”
Ty nods and yawns.
Lu swallows her cereal. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll know how I’m going to feel until Base is here. It’s just…” Her eyes well up with tears, and she huffs. “Fucking hell. Every time I even think about him, I cry. It’s annoying.”
Aria rests her hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “You’re allowed to cry, sweetheart. You’ve been through a lot recently, and holding it in is worse than keeping it all bottled up.”
“Thanks, Mum.”
Aria dries her hands, and a guard escorts her out of the kitchen to go find Ewan. Luciella sighs and takes another mouthful of cereal, and Tylar yawns again, very audibly.
Ty leans her cheek in her palm, her face freckled from all the sun she got while travelling with Dez. “Out of curiosity, since we haven’t broached the subject of anything since I got home, what the hell happened while I was gone?”
For some reason, Lu and I burst out laughing. “Where do we even start?” I say as Lu says, “Just the usual family drama.”
Tylar snorts and glances at me. “You killed your brother?”
I bite my lip and nod. “I did.”
