Page 42 of Restitution
Him severing his connection with the bitch to get a few minutes alone with me was a shock, and I’m still processing it. I thought I’d be dead by now.
Wanting to kiss someone, to hold them and beg them to forget the last few years and go back to the way things were has got to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced.
I’m not mad at Kade; I’m… lost. I know none of it was his fault. I could have just yelled from the treetops that I was attacked, that my brother was a lunatic, so I’m not innocent in all of this.
I could have asked for help when I found out Kade was in trouble with Bernadette the night we fucked next to a dead body outside that club. I should have. I went to Tobias because I thought he’d be able to give me advice; I never thought he’d break out and try to deal with him himself.
But he did escape. Is that my fault too?
If I’d just spoken up about my abuse, would we be in this position?
Would my baby girl be here?
Kade shifts on his feet. His fingers are spasming, and he’s blinking a lot. “Do you think you could ever forgive me?” he asks, and I can tell the drugs he’d taken are starting to wear off – he’s fidgety and sweating and his knees are bouncing. “I need you to forgive me. I’ll do anything. Just tell me – I’ll do it.”
I flatten my lips to hold in a sob. “I don’t think this is about forgiveness. I could have said something years ago about my brother, but I didn’t.”
“You were scared.”
“And why didn’t you tell anyone about Bernadette?”
Kade stays silent.
“Because you were scared, like me. This isn’t about forgivingone another, Kade. This is about surviving.”
“But I don’t feel like I’m surviving,” he says quietly, almost feebly.
I hate myself for believing he would actually hurt me, but how could I not? He shot at me and spoke to me like I was nothing but shit on the bottom of his shoe. He was violent in the way he said each word.
In a way, he is violent, because as annoying as Cassie was, I didn’t expect him to shoot her in the head with no emotion.
Tobias puts his arm over Kade’s shoulders, pulling him towards the lodge, and I follow beside Aria, who’s still sniffing and wiping under her eyes.
“I’m going to need a lot of help with this one. He’s on something, I can tell.”
“I’ll help,” I say without hesitation.
“All we need is Luciella home, and we can work on fixing the family. Maybe we can come to an agreement with a judge for Tobias not to get a harsh punishment for escaping. I think… if they knew the reasons why, they’d understand.”
It’s impossible. Tobias is a murderer and not fit to be in public. He’s not safe – a danger to everyone and himself. The second they find out where he is, if they don’t shoot on sight, Tobias will never see a visitation or the light of day again.
“I don’t think he has any intentions of returning,” I say honestly. “He’s not been in public in over twenty years, and I can tell he’s assessing every detail. Going back would be mental suicide for him.”
She turns to me as we stop at the porch. “What else am I to do? He can’t stay on the run forever. He’ll get sick again. He… The version of him we have now is after years of therapy and medication and training. I’ll need to try to sneak his meds, andeven then, I’ll eventually be caught too. You didn’t see what he was like before. I was afraid of him.”
I lower my chin in understanding. “It’s a horrible situation to be in. I know you care for him.”
She snorts a little laugh, looking through the window to see Tobias pouring Kade a glass of water and Kade shaking his head, pulling down the fabric hiding his neck and mouth while Barry inspects him – shining a light in his eyes and checking his blood pressure.
Jason stands aside, looking nervous. The last two times he’s been around his little brother, he’s been beaten up. But he looks like he wants to talk to him, and I’m glad he does.
“I love Tobias more than words will ever explain,” Aria says. “But I also know he doesn’t belong out here. It’s just a matter of time before he snaps.”
The man in question glances towards us, giving Aria a soft smile. He mouths,He’ll be okay, and goes back to holding a glass out to Kade.
They remind me of a couple in their twenties. They’re goofy and hot-headed, yet the love between them is unbeatable. It’s a shame for Ewan, even if he is okay with it.
Ewan, Barry and Tobias come outside to talk to the guards, seeking news on whether Chris has been caught. Nothing yet, but they know where he is. They talk about Cassie too, then discuss the drugs in Kade’s system and how we’re going to need to lock him in a room and make him go cold turkey.
