Page 96 of Skating and Fake Dating
When my emotional waterfall slows to a sniffle, Carson says, “I found the maple butter you snuck into my bag and decided to come … home.”
“To the arena?”
He shakes his head slowly, gaze not leaving mine. “To you. I went to your grandmother’s house first and she said you were going to find me.”
“I saw that you were back early, then I went to your rental and you weren’t?—”
“Possibly, for the first time in months, we had to look for each other instead of finding ourselves stuck in the same place.”
I laugh lightly and kind of snort. It’s not pretty, but his smile reaches his eyes like no matter what I do, he’ll still think I’m adorable. “You have a point. But I’ve been so afraid we don’t fit into each other’s lives. You’re a famous hockey player and I’m just me.”
“Just you?” He cradles my jaw. “I’m with youbecauseyou’re you.”
My eyebrows lift in question.
Releasing an exhale, Carson says, “Let me back up. Mygrandfather had a lot of useful sayings. Among them were,If it ain’t broke, don’t fix itand Don’t try to stick a square peg into a round hole.”
“That’s to say I’ve been trying to fit myself into the wrong life.”
“Maybe so. Those were straight from the farm and I’m certainly not saying you’re a square peg—not that it would be an insult—but the boxes that your family created are, and feeling like you need to prove anything to them is. I think it’s getting in the way of you thriving and us being stuck in fake relationship mode like molasses in the winter.”
“Is that another one of his sayings?”
“You betcha. Bailey, he would’ve really liked you. He’d have wanted us to give this a real shot. I do too. But first, I want you to know that I’m sorry I distanced myself this past week and didn’t answer your texts. I was looking for an exit strategy when I got scared that you’d rejected me. I’ve been such a coward.”
“You’re not a coward, you’re just cautious.”
A frown drops onto his lips as if I’m being far too generous. “I ran because I was afraid of what I was feeling. Of what we were becoming.”
“And what’s that?” I ask even though I know the answer. Even though we had a similar discussion after the town council meeting and I offered him an easy way out. My stupid heart suggested it would be better to let him go than to try to walk away, right?
Wrong. That’s not what I want and I have to tell him.
“Real. The last time I thought I had something real, I was wrong, so I built walls, created routines, and tried to control everything I could. Then you came along with your mismatched suits and colorful shirts, your irresistible sweets, cute little freckles, snappy sense of humor, maple butter and magic smile, and your ability to have fun.”
“You like my sense of humor?” I interrupt.
“I love it.”
“You noticed my freckles? I tried to cover them with makeup so I look more professional.”
He swipes the pads of his fingers across my cheek. “They’re beautiful and I notice everything about you, Bailey. The way you tuck your hair behind your ear when you’re nervous. How you talk to Tiny like she understands every word. The little dance you do when you’re excited. I hear everything you say.”
“You are a good listener. But I convinced myself I wasn’t enough for someone like you. That eventually you’d realize you needed someone who fits into your world better than I do.”
He takes my hand and says, “My world was empty until you. Hockey fills my schedule, but you fill everything else.”
“I tend to mess things up.”
Expression as serious as a rainstorm, Carson says, “You fixed everything.”
“What about your public image?”
“I needed to change, but I don’t want you to. You stay exactly who you are—the woman who makes maple butter, loses her sunglasses weekly, and sees possibilities where others see problems.”
“What about your past relationship?”
“It hurt me, but you healed me. The first step for us to take is to admit this isn’t fake.”
