Page 60 of Margo and the Faux Good Luck Beau
I close my eyes, remembering the worst year of my life. The one that resulted in me getting tossed into deep water depression. “I went to college in Lincoln. Met a guy named Jonathan. It was the first time someone expressed such keen interest in me. I had a few other boyfriends, but not like this. It was always Celeste who got attention. He was nice at first but then his comments would come with subtle barbs, passive aggression embedded in what sounded like helpful, supportive comments.”
“Sounds familiar.”
“I sure know how to pick ‘em.”
In a sharp tone, Beau says, “You don’t choose your family.”
“Yet I’ve remained faithful to mine.”
“You’re a better person than me. Than them, Margo.”
“After six months of dating, he started to become scarcer. Made excuses when we were supposed to meet. Things like that. No real surprise. Then one afternoon, he said he was moving to Hawaii. Told me I could stay or not. The emphasis was on not.”
“You were in school, right?”
“Yes, but I found out through a series of texts, in a group thread shared with his ex, that he was only with me to make her jealous. He confirmed this fact. I felt so used.”
Beau shudders as if he too knows this feeling. Then he bundles me into a hug and tears drop down my cheeks.
“Is he still in Hawaii? I can show him the broadside of my hockey stick.”
I pull back and a chuckle escapes. “No. That was a lie too. He was just trying to get rid of me and knew I wouldn’t follow. But I’ve seen you with that thing. You’d wipe him off the side of the island even if he was there. Sheer off the earth.”
Beau’s lips ripple as if he likes the idea of being the one to protect me.
“I lost so much of my life after that. I went into a serious low-motivation mode. Depression probably.”
“How’d you get out of it?”
“Took decisive action. Like when planning events, I started to schedule my life in blocks of time one hour at a time. Went running in the morning. Joined a Bible study on Tuesday afternoons. Cooked a recipe from a different country every other night. Started leaning into my interests. Moved to New York. Set up Margo A Go-Go. Meanwhile, my mother kept pressuring me about marriage. I was barely twenty-one. The Wards don’t marry for love. Just wealth potential. To my mother money means security. With the Jonathan failure under my belt, I set out to make my own fortune. Of course, she disapproved.”
Beau’s eyes sharpen. “It’s one thing to knock around a puck, but do you realize how strong you are?”
Still avoiding the mirror, I shrug.
“No one will ever treat you like that again. I promise,” he says.
Somehow, for the first time in my life, I know that’s true. Everything I’d been thinking about at the hockey game comes pouring out as I lean against him in front of the mirror with my eyes closed.
Like a tangle of string, he helps me unravel each strand by simply listening. I want to run away, but he holds me steady.
Tears fall and for a moment I’m afraid I’ll drown, but he helps me remain afloat.
When the sniffles slow, he says, “Margo, please open your eyes. I want you to see what I see.”
I’m afraid, but trust he’ll protect me. My gaze flicks to myself, reflected in the mirror. I can’t do it. Can’t look myself in the eyes.I turn back to Beau. A smile plays on his lips. In his eyes all I see is love.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Margo turnsaway from the mirror. “I can’t do this, Beau.”
“That’s not true.”
I can see the resistance building, the voices in her head loud with shame, her mind on the defensive, trying to shield her heart.
Shifting my body so she has to face the mirror again, her breath is shallow and she looks anywhere but at her reflection.
I’ve been around long enough to know that someone didn’t have to suffer a terrible trauma to experience pain. Of course, those things happen and it’s tragic every time. But for some people, the hurt is like a thousand paper cuts, building over their life, one little jab, backhanded comment, or disapproving look at a time.
