Page 4 of Inadmissible
Gritting his teeth, Tristan wiped away a tear he couldn’t stop from falling, determined to be more careful with his heart if he ever gave it to another woman again.
Taj
Years Later
The moment should have been a happy one, but my spirit was heavy. I was unsure if my nervousness about getting married was cold feet or something more. When RJ cheated on me years ago, my initial reaction was to never be with a man who cheated again. Though, to my credit, I didn’t know he was a cheater until the night of my talk with Viola. Then a few years passed, and I grew older . . . lonelier, and began to question if a faithful man was in the cards for me.
I met Destin and instantly fell in love with him. He was perfect in every way that mattered, and while my brother told me that was a red flag, I refused to believe it. I knew I was a good woman and deserved to have a man who was everything I wanted and more. So it didn’t strike me as odd that he said the right things, did the right things, and showered me with affection and presents every day for the first six months of our relationship.
And then, things started to change. He started to put forth less effort. When I called him out on it, he’d change, but it wouldn’t last long. Eventually, I got tired of the back and forth and broke up with him, but he proposed, and obviously I saidyes. Three weeks after that, I found out he’d cheated. For some reason, I stayed. Actually, I knew the reason. I wanted love, marriage, and a family of my own. He swore to me it was a onetime thing and that he’d never do it again.
Tyler tried to convince me cheating was a character flaw and that if I forgave him, he’d do it again. His words reminded me of my conversation with Viola years ago. But I stayed, and I lost my brother because of it. Tyler moved out, and he hadn’t talked to me for six months. He said he couldn’t watch me make a horrible mistake and marry a man that would treat me like our father treated our mother. Because she stayed too. And it was because of them that my brain forced itself to believe cheating was a part of the “for better or worse,” except it wasn’t.
Or, at least, it shouldn’t have been.
I remembered the anxiety, paranoia, and depression my mother suffered through. I remembered the lack of respect we had for our father because of how he treated our mother. I remembered Viola saying the first twenty years of her marriage were horrible, and I finally had to ask myself, was having marriage and babies worth that kind of suffering?
Maybe it wasn’t cold feet.
Maybe it was my intuition warning me.
Maybe it was me missing my brother.
Maybe it was me not wanting my mother and Viola to be my mirror.
Whatever it was, it had me unsure of if I wanted to go through with marrying Destin tomorrow.
When I couldn’t stop the questions filling my mind and heart, I stood from the couch and headed toward my bedroom. I called my mother and hoped God would give her something to say to give me clarity on this.
“Hey, baby,” she said, and I heard the smile in her voice. “You ready for tomorrow?”
“Honestly, Ma, I’m not.”
“Uh oh. What’s wrong?”
Sighing, I rubbed the back of my neck and sat on the bench in front of my bed. “Destin cheated on me. I found out a few weeks after he proposed.” Silence filled the line for so long I wondered if she’d heard me. “Ma?”
“I-I’m here, baby.”
“Did you hear me?”
She released a hard breath. “Why didn’t yousaysomething, Taj?”
“I don’t know,” was what I said initially, but the truth didn’t take long to come out. “I was ashamed and embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to know he’d cheated on me. I also didn’t want another failed relationship. I didn’t want to have to start all over again.”
“Why would his actions make you feel shame?”
“I guess I didn’t want people to know that I was still with him. Tyler knew, and that’s why he moved out. He said he didn’t want to watch me set myself up to be hurt. He doesn’t want me to have a marriage like yours.”
Ma chuckled. “That’s not what I want either, baby. If I could protect you from any kind of pain, I would. Had I known Destin cheated on you, I would have urged you to break up with him.”
I definitely didn’t expect her to say that. Standing, I began to pace. “Why?”
“Well, outside of cheating being one of the most selfish and narcissistic choices a person can make, it’s also not the foundation you want to have for your marriage. I can almost promise you if he did it before, he’s going to do it again. The only way he won’t is if he chooses not to, and if he already has you, what reason will he have to change?”
Huffing, I leaned against my dresser. “Do you think I should call the wedding off?”
“I do. And you don’t have to tell anyone why. You own no one an explanation now . . . but you will oweyourselfan explanation if you ignore his behavior and marry the wrong man.”
