Page 80 of From Ice to Home
I run a hand through my hair, exhaling slowly.
I need to get my head right. I need to pray.
But more than anything, I need to figure out what God is asking of me before it’s too late.
“Bro, are you ready for this?” Declan says, slapping me on the shoulder as we enter the Rogers Arena for morning skate. His energy is buzzing and he’s even more amped than usual. That’s his pre-game routine. He hypes himself up by hyping everyone else up.
I roll my shoulders, trying to shake off the weight of everything. “I’m ready.”
I have to be.
The powerplay coach wants to meet with us and then it’s all about getting our bodies right for the game tonight. First game of the final round. A clean slate. The best of seven.
The Rangers faced the Canucks in a Stanley Cup final tenyears ago. It ran the full seven games and we walked off victorious. Despite being a Canadian team, the Canucks have never won the Cup in their entire history. And we sure as hell can’t be the first team to lose against them.
I watch the rest of the guys walk along the tunnel, heading to the guest locker room. All of them focused, wrapped up in their own pre-game rituals. Some of them like to keep their earpods in, focusing on nothing but their playlists. Others pull their hoodies low over their faces, trying to cut out as much distraction as possible. Everyone has their own way of getting dialed in.
Declan’s way? Psyching up anyone and everyone close enough to listen to him.
“If you play tonight like you played at home, we’ll be hoisting that Cup in no time,” he says, getting into step next to me. He looks me over, his eyes narrowing as he takes in my expression. “What’s wrong? Everything fine with the wife?” he asks.
I sigh. “Yes and no,” I say, dragging a hand through my hair as we enter the locker room and head to our cubbies, already set out and marked, our gear waiting for us thanks to the equipment crew. “I’ll tell you one thing, being married is no cake walk.”
Declan huffs. “Why do you think I’m dead set against it?” he asks, pulling his shirt over his head and stuffing it into his cubby. “In my opinion marriage is trouble, and unnecessary.”
Niko, who’s cubby is next to mine, looks at me with his dark eyebrows deeply furrowed. “You’ve only been at it for a week,” he says, grabbing his gear and starting the mission of putting all of it on. “This should be the honeymoon phase. And if you’re complaining about the honeymoon phase, you’re doing it all wrong.”
“We didn’t even get to the honeymoon,” I say, taking my shirt off and starting to put on my own gear.
My ring is still around my neck, the weight of it suddenly even heavier thinking of how we’ve been doing this all wrong. We didn’t have a special day with friends and family, followed by a getaway where we could just relax and enjoy being together in every single way. We haven’t had time to settle into each other without interference of some kind. Instead we’ve had a runaway bride, tears, reporters, and now there are literally three thousand miles between us.
“No wonder your wife is unhappy,” Niko says with a sarcastic smile.
Declan chuckles on my other side. “Just tell me if you need a few pointers,” he says, his insinuation clear.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say, strapping on my shoulder pads, not bothering to cast a glance in his direction. Instead I look at Niko. “And my wife isn’t unhappy.”
Niko shrugs, strapping on his shoulder pads. “Perhaps she is,” he adds. “If you haven’t figured out how to be there for her in the ways that matter, nothing is stopping her from regretting her decision.”
Something snaps inside of me, and I whirl around, grabbing him by the shirt and hitting his back against the cubby. He didn’t see me coming, which is probably why I got away with it. Niko is a bit taller than I am, a bear of a man, the biggest on the team, which I get because it’ll be harder to get a puck by him. But right now, I don’t care that he can pound me into the floor if he wants.
“Don’t talk about Hannah like you know her,” I say, through gritted teeth, the frustration close to the surface. “My wife is off limits to you and your jadedness. Just because you screwed up your marriage, doesn’t mean I’m going to do the same with mine.”
“Whoa,” Declan’s voice comes from my other side, but I keep my gaze locked on Niko.
The look of hurt followed by defensiveness in his eyesmakes me realize that my words weren’t the wisest. I’ve hurt him, and now he’s going to close off even more than he already has.
But that doesn’t matter. He should know that he can’t talk to me about my wife or what goes on behind closed doors.
“Hey, no goalie interference,” Mitch says, stepping up to us, all geared up and ready to go. “Take a minute and cool off, we’re all on edge. Get dressed, refocus and bring the aggression to the ice, not the locker room, you got that?”
I shove Niko, before letting him go. “Yes, Cap.”
Niko grunts before turning away from both of us and getting back to his mountain of gear.
I’ve never done that before. I’ve never lost my temper with a teammate. But the way he talked about Hannah, about how he could possibly know what makes her happy, rubbed me the wrong way. And to make it worse, I used his own broken marriage against him.
I shouldn’t have said that. But right now, I don’t exactly regret it either.
