Page 12 of From Ice to Home
My heart fills with disappointment, and tears sting the back of my eyes as I look down at my hand on the steering wheel.
The simple golden wedding band is just resting there onmy ring finger, like it’s been there forever—like it’s settled in for the long haul. Like it belongs there, but it doesn’t. At least not like this.
Before I can second-guess myself, I quickly pull it off and shove it into the glove compartment, having absolutely no intention of telling my parents about what happened. Especially not by flashing a ring in their faces.
They might die when they see it.
I almost did. That’s for sure.
“Mom, Dad. I’m married,” I say out loud, my voice coming out extremely wobbly. How on earth am I supposed to break the news to my family, if I can’t even say it out loud without sounding like I’m about to throw up.
I’m married.
And I’m not entirely sure how it happened.
I woke up yesterday morning, in a hotel room in Vegas. Groggy and disoriented, it took me a full minute to register where I was—that it was supposed to be a girls weekend with Mona and Liz to celebrate graduation. It was a trip I wasn’t keen on to begin with, because Vegas really isn’t my scene. It’s a city I never would’ve visited on my own since I’ve never had any interest in the city that’s known for it’s wild and reckless nature. But it felt like a rite of passage of sorts, which is apparently why Mona thought it would be a good idea. And idiot that I am, I thought that two days in Nevada couldn’t harm anybody.
That was obviously a lie from the enemy himself, because that little trip upended my entire life.
Yesterday morning, as I was faced with the green-and-gold curtains of a strange hotel room, it all came flooding back to me. Images of care-free laughing, kissing, and red neon lights with plastic flowers. If the man next to me in bed wasn’t a dead give-away, the absolute weight of the golden wedding band on my ring finger was.
I got married to Lucas Walker.
The guy I fell for when I was fifteen and I let my guard down. The same guy I left in the rearview mirror when I went to Duke five years ago. He was the last person I expected to see in Nevada, but after he came over and placed that glass of champagne down in front of me I couldn’t escape him.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have tried even if the opportunity presented itself.
Seeing Lucas after all this time jolted me back to days spent together on the beach and on his farm, stealing kisses on the back of his truck and going for walks on the pier. He is obviously a grown man now, and a full-sized New York Ranger to boot. Seeing him like that unraveled whatever sense I’d thought I had, making me want to soak up every possible second with him until he had to leave for New York again.
Obviously things escalated. What should’ve been two old friends catching up over dessert, quickly turned into me finding myself in a strange hotel room, my clothes on the floor.
That was when horror struck in waves.
At first I was overwhelmed by panic because I’d broken the promise I made to God. That promise had been more than words. It was my way of honoring Him, of living a life according to His will and purpose. It was a commitment, one I’d woven into my heart, to who I was supposed to be.
And then in a single, reckless night, I’d broken it.
Feeling the cool metal of the ring on my finger did little to comfort me. If anything, it made it worse, like the very symbol of what I’d once dreamed of having, felt tainted. Instead of bringing reassurance I’d expected marriage to bring, the ring became a scorching reminder of how far I’d drifted—not just from my commitment, but from the faith and foundation I thought I’d never stray from.
When I woke up to Lucas next to me, his face softened with sleep and his figure now more familiar than before, a rush ofguilt urged me to run. Grabbing my clothes, I rushed out of there without so much as a glance at the man I was leaving behind. Again.
Needless to say, my phone has been blowing up ever since.
I don’t have the nerve to respond to Lucas. Before I left Vegas I made sure to let Liz know that I had an emergency back home which is why I left without saying goodbye.
I need to regroup. I need to figure out how to handle this.
I’m not sure if I should keep it from my parents. I’ve never kept anything from them before. Then again, I’ve never gotten married to an ex-boyfriend before. An ex-boyfriend who went on to fulfill his dreams in New York by playing professional hockey, while I did everything in my own power to build a life of my own. How can I tell them about how I ruined my plans, and Lucas’ future all in one impulsive night? It would be such a disappointment to them.
How can it not be?
I’m disappointed in myself for ruining everything.
I’ve always had such an amazing relationship with my mom and I could sense the worry in her voice when I told her I’m coming home. There’s no way she couldn’t tell something was off with me. We don’t keep secrets in our family. Especially not from mom and dad.
It’s all Lucas’s fault.
From the moment I saw him, it’s all been a rollercoaster of emotions. Pure elation to panic, regret followed by guilt and then back to a sense of longing I can’t explain. Mix that with the butterflies that are still fluttering around in my stomach just thinking about him, and the way his smile touches my soul I’ve been feeling queasy for the past forty-eight hours.
