Page 101 of Tear Me Down
Deep down, I know how ridiculous the thoughts are. The words that Dranan spit from his chops were nothing but lies and calculated degradation, knowing that I would feel this way. Damien loves me more than I ever thought could be possible, and I’ve never been so sure about anything else, but the real question will be who he hates more—the creature Dranan is, or the monster he’ll see himself as.
“So what happened to Dranan?” I ask quietly enough not to wake Damien, but to try and turn my thoughts on to something else. Thoughts of what Damien is going to do to him creep their way into my brain, and I secretly hope that he’s already getting a small taste of it.
“Zeke drove him back to the Attic. They’re holding him until you and Damien are released,” Serena whispers. “I can only imagine the things Damien has planned for him.”
Same, girl. Same.
“EvenI'mscared, and I’ve seen him do some shit. But that’s if Zeke doesn’t kill him before we get back,” Carter says. I wince in pain, and I feel my shoulder twinge with a burn as I roll on my right side to face Damien, egging my anger further. “Be easy, Ash. You have a pretty bad gape on the back of your shoulder.”
Yeah, you don’t say?
“I remember Carter, thanks,” I seethe, but then immediately regret it. I shouldn’t sound so hateful, no matter how much pain I'm in. Nothing about this is Carter’s fault, and I should be a big girl that remembers how to handle her emotions. “I’m sorry, that sounded way shittier than I thought.”
“No, you're fine. I understand, pain pisses me off, too.” He huffs out a small chuckle, but looks to Ser, clearly not only meaning a physical ache. She looks back at him, and then they both look away like their eyes alone burn each other.
“We’ll let you get some rest,” Serena says, breaking the awkward silence and purposely not looking back at Carter. “You shouldprobably eat soon. What do you want me to get you?” The light churn of my stomach is still there, and I can’t tell if I’m hungry, anxious, or nauseated by the hormones.
“Do smoothies suffice?”
“Are you feeling sick?” She squeezes my hand again.
That’s an understatement.
“Yeah, a little,” I concede.
“Then I don’t care if I have to drive across town, I'll get you one.” She smiles softly and lets go of my hand. I wouldn’t be surprised if she walked into a smoothie bar and demanded that she stand beside the barista to watch them make it properly.
“Thank you.”
“Love you, we’ll be back.”
“Love you, too.”
“Come on, puppy dog.” Serena waves Carter towards the doorway, and I shoot him a weird, questionable look, and he just shrugs before following her. I shake my head and relax against the pillow again.
I’m not sure I’ll ever understand their dynamic or the tension between them. Hell, I’m not even sure they do, but obviously she likes him enough to still talk to him, and that’s an achievement. He should be proud of himself. Ser doesn’t normally give men a second go around, but it seems likeshe’salmost chasing afterhim.
My neck cranes as I turn to look at Damien again, admiring the strong jaw I so frequently trail my finger along, and the nose that makes me melt as he buries it in my hair. Those ever-changing blue eyes are buried just beneath the lids rimmed with perfect lashes, and they reside just above the dark circles that appear to be permanent. His features are worn, like he’s too exhausted to ever feel invigorated again, and his skin, while still warm, has that eerie paleness. One that only manifests when enough blood is lost.
If it wasn’t for the heart monitor vocalizing the beat that I know drums for me, I’d probably be more on edge, more afraid that it will flat line, but I know he would never leave me in such a finite way. This man lives for me, just as I do for him, and the knowledge has me watching as his chest rises and falls. Not because I’m afraid the movement will cease, but because of the gentleness of it.
It's soothing, a warmth that never dulls. Even as I lie here in the dark recesses of my doubt, the comfort he brings me will never falter. In a demonic world, he could wake up and be repulsed by me, never wanting to lay eyes on my defiled body again, and I would still look at him the same. He would still mean as much to me as he does right now, and I would always hold onto the reprieve he brings my troubled mind.
It’s not long before my eyelids grow heavy, and the sweet lullaby of his breathing soothes me into a peaceful state. Not quite where I’m sleeping, but pretty close to it. I can almost feel the cool breeze off the lake again, and I can practically hear the rain drops tapping along the water’s surface. The sound of the thunder overhead is a little distorted, but it’s vague enough to not be heard clearly…
My eyes jolt back open to the sound of his heart monitor beeping rapidly, and although I’m not as quick to react, I notice his breaths quickening. I tenderly lay my hand on his chest, and fight against the ache in my shoulder to push up just a little.
“Damien?” I whisper, hoping that I can pull him back from whatever has his heartrate sky rocketing. His eyes fly open as he takes a deep gasp in, almost as if he’s been silently drowning. “Hey, you’re okay. Just breathe.” I move my hand to his face and softly caress the straining tick in his jaw. He reacts by jerking his head in my direction, and then a weak sigh of relief escapes his lips the moment our eyes meet.
“You’re okay?” he immediately asks in a frantic whisper, melting my heart like always.
“Yeah, baby. We’re okay.” I sniffle and blink a few times, trying like hell not to cry, but as he watches the tears form in my eyes, he reaches for me. A grunt of aggravation slips from his mouth as his IV tube gets caught on the bed frame above us, and without even a second thought, he rips it out. “Damien…” I choke a strangled giggle.
“I don’t give a fuck, come here.” He moves his arm under my head and gently pulls me close, both of us wincing in pain as he wraps his other limb around my waist, carefully pulling me close. His large hand cradles the back of my head and gingerly pushes me to rest on top of his clearly wounded chest. I want to pull back, afraid that I’ll hurt him, but it’s like it doesn’t matter to him. He holds me just as tightly as ever.
His warmth floods my senses, almost knocking the breath back into me, and I don’t resist the urge to bury my face in the crook of his neck. Shudders slither their way through my body, and I break. Relief and a blanket of security is wrapped in his grasp around me, giving me the perfect moment of reprieve from the destruction in my soul.
“It’s okay, baby girl. Let it out. I’m here,” he whispers into my hair, and plants soft kisses on the surely revolting strands.
