Page 36 of Her Braun
Kay knew she wanted him there.
She fought off the idea that she needed him, because that too was weak.
She'd left home years before determined to make a life for herself. A life where she relied on herself.
Not other people.
Not a man.
Then why did it feel so horrible inside instead of freeing?
Why did she want to throw her arms around him and hold on instead of pushing him out the door?
Was this because she was scared?
Or because Gibson made it so easy for her to let down her walls?
She didn't know.
And she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"Gibson-" She saw the way he listened to her.
Saw the way his eyes widened just a hint.
Saw the way his hands rubbed along his thighs as if he was trying to stop from reaching out to her.
That had to be wishful thinking on her part.
It had to.
"I can handle this on my own. I would... I would really like some privacy. I'm sorry. I know we haven't really talked much lately, but this-"
"It's not the time. I know, Kay. I know."
She squeezed her eyes shut. "I... I know I owe you a better explanation than this. I just don't know what to say right now. I thought I could handle this better alone."
"You don't have to be alone, Kay."
Oh... Those words were beautiful.
They were a dream.
A dream that couldn't be hers if she wanted to head the Trauma Department. It wouldn't be fair to anyone that she might date or spend time with. She was going to have to make a decision about her future and staying away from Gibson would just make the decision easier.
"I'm going to go," he took a step to the side and gestured at his truck in a vague sweep of his hand. "I've got a friend's wedding I'm going to this weekend. And then I'll be back to mynormal schedule. I'd like to see you when I get back. We should probably talk."
"We probably shouldn't."
The words tasted like ash on her tongue. Soot. Something chalky and unpleasant.
"I have a conference I'm going to this weekend, too. And I'm not sure we'll need to talk to each other after this. I'll make sure I pay you for your time today, with my windows. I'm... I'm glad it was you that came to do it. I know I can trust you. I just- I'm not sure-"
"Then if you're not sure, Kay. Let's just leave it here. Who knows? Maybe after this weekend, things will look different, but I know something that won't change."
She fought back the tears that were threatening to gather on her lashes. She tried to shake her head or turn away, but she just couldn't.
"I want to see you, Kay. I want to take you out or spend time with you here at your house. I know I want to help you get your house finished so that you have a place to relax after everything you do to help other people. I want to do that for you even if you don't want to let this go anywhere romantic. I just... I want to be around you. Please, just think about that. Okay?"
