Page 30 of Salvation
I hate myself for the hurt that flashes behind his eyes—hate myself for a lot of things.
“Campbell,” Hayes pleads, but the walls are closing in, and I can’t stay here any longer.
“I’m fine, Hayes,” I say, this time with less vehemence. “I have to go.”
I don’t wait for him to argue. I spin around, ready to sprint, but before I do, I turn my head over my shoulder and look back at him, needing to say one more thing before I go. “You should find a new assistant coach. I need a break.”
Hayes’s eyes stay on my back as I walk away.
Chapter 15
Ivy
15 Years Old
Agirl stares back at me in the full-length mirror in my bedroom, unrecognizable in every way. Her wild curls have been tamed, slicked back into a tight ponytail, leaving her slender neck and shoulders on display. Her lips are red, matching the silky color of her dress that flares just above her knees, and her cheeks are pink. She’s not a girl. She is me.
Tonight is my first high school dance. I’m supposed to meet Campbell at his house in a few minutes so we can leave. He turned sixteen last week and got his license two days ago. It’s our first official date, and nerves have danced under my skin all week.
After our kiss a couple of months ago, things changed. We’ve changed. We never sat down and talked about what this is between us, but we didn’t need to. Campbell and I were inevitable from the start.
Taking a deep breath, I blow it out and let my shoulders fall before gathering my shoes in my hand and turning away from my reflection.
Tonight is going to be a good night, but first, I have to make it out of the prison of my room. With silent footsteps, I tiptoe over to my door, holding my breath and praying it doesn’tsqueak as I crack it open just enough to see into the hallway. The hall is dark, but I still wait, listening.
I didn’t ask my grandparents if I could attend the dance. They would have said no. They always say no. Instead, I’d told Campbell I’d meet him at his house so he didn’t have to pick me up. He frowned at the idea, a wrinkle forming between his brows, but I’d smoothed my finger over the groove and pressed a kiss to his cheek, assuring him it would be easier this way. Campbell had given in, even if it had been reluctantly.
When I’m sure the coast is clear, I slip out of my room, pulling the door closed behind me. No one will check on me. Sometimes I wonder if they even remember I live in the same house as them, but in those few times when they do, I’m reminded why it’s best when they don’t. Because no matter how hard I try to please them, I always manage to get it wrong.
I make it as far as the front door before a light flips on, taking away the safety of the shadows. Startled, I spin around, coming face to face with the pinch of my grandfather’s stern glare. I don’t move from beneath it. It wouldn’t help me if I did. I’ve been here too many times before. My legs tremble, knowing what’s coming, but I can’t make them move.
“You ungrateful, little brat. Where do you think you are going dressed like that?” His face is inches from mine, and spittle flies from his mouth as he yells. I flinch, and satisfaction gleams in his eyes.
Della Rae helped me pick out this dress. She picked Campbell and me up after school a few weeks ago, and while Campbell had been trying on his tux, she’d pulled me into a store with some of the most beautiful dresses I’d ever seen, none of which my grandmother would have bought me. I spent an hour in that place with Della Rae, trying on dress after dress, laughing while we talked. It will forever be one of my favorite memories.
When I don’t open my mouth to answer my grandfather’s question, his grip on my arm tightens, his fingernails digging into my skin. “You can’t help but be like your mother, can you, girl? The next thing you know, you’ll end up pregnant with an illegitimate child just like she did. Disgracing us all. Well, I won’t have it. I’ll lock you in your room if I have to.”
It stings. Every word out of his mouth is a lash against my skin. I’ve heard them too many times to count, but they burn the same each time, leaving welts along my soul. And I guess that’s why I always let him drag me back to my room without a fight.
Even though Campbell is waiting for me, I follow blindly behind my grandfather because there are only so many lashes a soul can take. As I meet my grandmother’s eyes, standing on the other side of the hall as I’m pushed into my room, I wonder if this is a lesson she has learned, too.
______________________
The door closes behind my grandfather, leaving me alone. I wait three seconds before I move across the room. I’ve always thought about leaving, but I’ve never been brave enough. After seeing that look in my grandmother’s eyes, though, I know I can’t stay here, not anymore, because if I do, there will be no parts left of me when my grandfather is done. I’ll wither, just like my grandmother has. My mom escaped—made it on her own—and so will I.
I grab a bag, slinging as many clothes as I can reasonably carry into it, along with the meager amount of money I’ve managed to save over the years. It’s not a lot, but it will have to do.
My shoulders heave as I look around my room, taking it in one more time, and then I meet my gaze in the mirror. Gone is the girl who stood there before, dreaming about dancing, and in her place stands another girl I don’t recognize. She’s wild. Angry. Her hair falls from her ponytail, and the rage in hereyes is all-consuming. This girl is me too. And so is the one who let her grandfather drag her back to her room without a fight.
Which version is real, though? I don’t know, but it’s time I find out.
A shout from downstairs startles me. It’s time to go. Campbell will be waiting for me, wondering where I am, and I don’t want him coming here to look for me. It will only draw my grandfather’s attention back to me. My heart aches from what I’m about to do. It’s time to say goodbye.
Walking over to the window, I slide it up, thankful for the porch roof just below. I’ve used this as an escape to Campbell many times over the years. The first time I tried it, my legs shook so hard I was afraid I would fall off the roof, but nothing was scarier than facing my grandfather. I don’t even remember what mistake I made that day—there have been too many over the years—but I remember seeing the devil in his eyes when he looked at me. I’d sought a safe place. Campbell. I’d sought Campbell. And now I’m doing it again, but this time it will be different. It will be the last.
Wind chills my skin as I stick one leg out the window and then another, holding my bag tight as I balance myself, and once I’m sure I’m settled, I start to move, tiptoeing over to the edge where a tall tree stands beside the porch. I should have changed out of my dress for this. My legs will have scratches all over them from the bark by the time I make it down, but I can’t give it up—not yet.
Peering over the edge, I drop my bag, wincing when it makes a loud thud, but when no one comes to check it out, I grab onto a limb and scramble down the tree. Then my feet are on the ground, and I’m running. Running to Campbell. Running toward a goodbye I thought I’d never have to say. Running to freedom. That’s the one I have to focus on to make it through this.
