Page 29 of Salvation
I don’t say any of that, though. Instead, I put on that stupid smile that saps the energy out of me and lie. “Yeah, Cap. Why wouldn’t I be?”
No one ever sees through that lie, so it’s no surprise when Cap doesn’t either.
“Okay, kid,” he says, scrubbing his hand down his face. “But what happened today can’t happen again? Are we clear?”
He’s looking at me like he trusts me, and suddenly, the pressure of this person I created is too heavy. Between one breath and the next, I let it melt away, leaving behind that version of me.
“Actually, Cap, I think I need to take a leave of absence.”
I think my pronouncement shocks him because he doesn’t say anything, just blinks, then blinks again.
“I have vacation time—a lot of it. I haven’t taken a vacation in all the time I’ve been on the force. I’ll use that.”
My rush of words must pull him out of his shock because he finally moves, holding up his hands to stop me. The words dry up on my tongue, and I curl my fingers into a fist. I’m crumbling, and I need to make it out of here before I do.
“Is this about today?” Another piece of me chips away.
“No, sir.”
“Are you going to explain to me what this is about?”
I shake my head. “No, sir.”
“Even if it means losing your job?”
My chest squeezes. This job is the only thing that has held me together over the years, but I can’t stay—not right now.
“If that’s what you feel you need to do, sir,” I say without an ounce of emotion in my voice.
Cap sighs, scrubbing his hand over his jaw again—but this time harder.
“Take the time you need. Your job will be here when you get back.”
Relief washes through me. “Thank you, sir.”
I push out of my seat to leave, but Cap’s voice stops me.
“And when you’re ready to talk, Campbell. I’ll be here.”
I nod at him, unable to say anything else, and walk out the door.
______________________
Hayes is leaning beside the door outside Cap’s office with his arms crossed over his chest. There’s a look of concern in his eyes, but I avoid looking. Instead, I try to keep walking, pretending I didn’t see him, but he’s faster. He steps in front of me, blocking my path.
“We need to talk.” He’s not asking, but I don’t care. This is where I should smile—maybe crack a joke—but I can’t bring myself to do it. There’s a monster clawing at my throat, infecting my veins with poisonous tips—something I’ve kept hidden for far too long—and he’s about to break free.
“Get out of my way, Hayes,” I say, the iciness of that poison dripping from my lips. I meet his gaze and watch him flinch. I’ve never spoken to him like that—never spoken to anyone like that—but I don’t have it in me to fake a smile and pretend anymore.
We stand in the hallway, staring each other down, and I send up a silent prayer, hoping he’ll let this go. But once again, my faith falls short. My best friend is twice as stubborn as I am, and he’s watching me like I’m going to break.
I am—of course—but I don’t want him to know that. I want to go home and shatter in solitude.
“No. Something’s going on with you. It has been for a while, but ever since Ivy came back to town—” His voice trails off, and his eyes flick away from mine for only a second, but it’s enough for me to see what he isn’t saying. I’ve changed, but what he doesn’t know is that this is the real me. “I’m worried about you, man.”
That should make me feel better. Hell, part of me has been begging for someone to notice—screaming out for help even when I was hiding my pain—but it doesn’t make me feel better. It only adds to the ever-mounting pressure.
“Don’t be,” I snap. “I’m fine.”
