Page 28 of Salvation
“Ivy, how are you, dear?” The question is casual enough, but the way his brown eyes bore into me, pinning me in place, makes it more. He’s looking for cracks, and there’s a lot for him to find.
“I’m fine,” I lie, then quickly change the subject. “I didn’t realize you were still in town.”
The ability to deflect is a lesson I learned from a young age. Most people never realize I’m doing it, too concerned with their own lives to care that I don’t talk about mine, but Charles is staring at me like he knows what I’m doing and he’s not going to let me get away with it.
“Ivy, I might be old, but I am not blind—at least not yet. I’ve spent a lot of time studying people over the years, my dear, and you are not fine. Would this have anything to do with the envelope I delivered to you from my sister?”
My body stiffens. I don’t want to talk about that. I don’t know Charles. He might be family, but in my experience, family comes with the worst betrayal. Charles says he didn’t have a relationship with my grandmother—and that may be true—but I’ve been lied to so many times, I don’t know if I can trust him.
“Really, Charles,” I say with a wooden smile. “I’m fine.”
My voice leaves no room for argument, and to my surprise, Charles doesn’t push. He chuckles, and I grimace.
“An old man can take a hint, Ivy. I’ll leave you be, but I live in the next town over. I will be in and out of Benton Falls for a little bit because I’m working on an estate that involves the church. They’ve invited me to attend services, and I’d love it if you’d join me. You’re family, and family should know one another.”
I might have believed that once upon a time, but not anymore. And I’ve had my fill of sitting in a church where the people claimed to love everyone, all while the biggest liars sat beside me every Sunday. It won’t be a place I visit again.
“Maybe another time,” I lie again, even as a sense of loneliness tugs at my chest, but I’d rather be lonely than broken.
Chapter 14
Campbell
The Benton Falls police captain is staring at me like he could run through a brick wall—which, all things considered, he probably could. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me with a stoic cynicism furrowing his brows and tightening his lips.
James Robert, better known as Cap, is a man worth knowing. He’s kind and fair, and he cares about this town. But he also doesn’t put up with any bull either. He’s stern when he needs to be, and from the way he’s looking at me, it’s obvious I’ve messed up. Bad.
I’ve been doing that a lot here lately, but that’s not even the problem. No, the problem is that I can’t bring myself to care.
It’s been a week since I found out I have a daughter, and since then, the numbness inside my chest has grown, the roots wrapping around my soul and taking hold until the voice inside my head screams at me to end it all.
“It’s the only way you’ll find peace,” it yells. “The only way you’ll right your wrongs—end the suffering you’ve caused others.”
And I’m tempted to listen to it, but first I have to settle this thing with our daughter. I owe Ivy that much.
“You want to explain to me what you were thinking today, Richards?”
Cap’s voice pulls me front and center. There’s more heat in it than I’ve ever heard, and I wince.
“Would you believe me if I said I tripped?” I ask, trying to joke this away, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, I wince again.
I’ve gotten so good at hiding behind my jokes that I don’t know when to stop. Nothing about today was a joke. I could’ve gotten someone killed. I wasn’t thinking. I just—lost it.
Hayes and I received a domestic violence call while we were out on patrol. A place we’ve been called to a hundred times. Every other time we responded to a call there, it was because the neighbors could hear yelling through the walls, but tonight it went beyond yelling. Callie, a girl Hayes and I went to high school with, opened the door, and bruises covered her face. She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, even though life has been hard for her. As I took her in, tears streamed down her face, and despite a cut splitting her lip, she smiled at me.
The numbness dissipated, and all I could see was a red haze.
When her husband tried to walk out the door, I picked a fight—goading him into hitting me first—and when he did, I retaliated, tackling him to restrain him. Unfortunately, he might have smacked his face against the ground in the process. I put him in the back of the car with handcuffs around his wrist and blood running out of his nose. I didn’t feel bad about that part, but when the moment was over, I realized what a stupid risk it’d been to goad the guy. He could have had a weapon—could have pulled it on me—and maybe part of me was hoping he would. But it just as easily could have been Hayes who was put in that situation—or Callie.
I messed up.
Cap shakes his head, the fluorescent lighting in his office doing nothing to hide the disappointment flaring in the depths of his silvery eyes.
“No, Campbell. I wouldn’t, and it’s not just today. You’ve been distracted lately. Are you okay?”
His voice deepens on the word okay, placing an emphasis on it that makes me want to laugh.
Am I okay? No, Cap. I haven’t been for a while, but no one seems to notice—that or they tell me to pray about it. But the prayers stopped working.
