Page 7 of Grace Notes
My fingers shake as I go back and forth between wiping her tears away and stroking her hair. I don’t know if those words mean anything to her. She’s too young to have this conversation, but I don’t want her to feel like she didn’t get her questions answered.
“Then I don’t think I want to pray anymore.”
The words are a shock to my system. My hand freezes in her hair, and I’m at a loss for what to say. I know she’s looking at prayer through the lens of a four year old who wants what she wants, but it pokes at a deep-rooted fear that one day the things I teach her won’t be enough to lead her to God.
“Avery,” I say her name tenderly, wanting her to feel how much I love her. “I know you’re scared, but that’s when we need God the most.”
She doesn’t respond, letting her head fall to her pillow, and tears stream down her face. Her cheeks are still wet when she closes her eyes and falls asleep.
Chapter 4
Emryn,
I’m sorry.
I meant to be home earlier. I really did, but time slipped away from me. I was working on the list for our vow renewal in between tasks at work—and I’m sorry.
This isn’t me slipping back into old habits. I was sick to my stomach when I finally pulled my head out of the paperwork and realized what time it was.
Right now, I’m writing this note while I watch you sleep in bed with Avery, and I wonder what all I missed out on tonight.
I don’t like that feeling. I don’t want to miss out on nights with our daughter because time is too fleeting with her. She’s getting too big already. And I know I have a lifetime with you, but even that doesn’t seem like enough.
So, here’s my promise—it won’t happen again, not just for you, but for me too.
Love,
Brooks
Chapter 5
Brooks
Setting the pen down on Avery’s desk, I tuck the note into my pocket and turn to the sleeping pair in the bed.
Avery is tucked into Emryn’s arm. There is a peaceful look on her face as she sleeps, but Emryn’s is the opposite. Worry lines her brows, even in her sleep, and I can’t help but wonder what happened tonight to put that look there.
I cross the room and sit on the bed beside her, careful not to wake her. Sometimes, when I find it hard to sleep, I memorize the lines of Emryn’s face. She’s my favorite thing to look at.
With cautious movements, I trace the line of Emryn’s jaw, needing to feel her skin against mine. She stirs for a minute, and I pause the path my finger was taking until she settles back into sleep. I’m content to watch her for just a little longer.
I’m thankful for many things, but second chances are at the top of that list. My life would look a lot different if she hadn’t given me one. I haven’t always been the best husband, but I’m determined to be better than who I was in the past.
The minutes tick by as I sit on the bed and watch my wife hold our daughter. In a thousand lifetimes, I could never dream of having this in my life.
It’s only when my back starts to ache that I gently stroke my hand down Emryn’s arm to wake her up. She groans, hereyelashes fluttering against her cheek as she struggles to wake up.
Leaning down, I whisper against her ear. “Let me carry you.”
She nods, a drowsy smile on her face as I lift her in my arms and carry her to our bedroom.
“I’m mad at you,” she says while simultaneously curling tighter into my chest, laying her head on my collarbone. Her eyes never open, but her lips dip down into a frown.
The words aren’t needed. I know why she’s mad at me. I’m mad at me, too.
“I know, pretty girl, and I’m sorry I missed bedtime.”
She shakes her head against me, her hair tickling my throat. “It wasn’t just that. Avery had some hard questions tonight, and I had to answer them by myself. I felt—I felt lonely again, and I didn’t like that feeling. I know there will be times you aren’t here, but I just—the insecurity got to me tonight.”
