Page 21 of Grace Notes
“Well,” I say, dragging out the word, “First, I have to figure out what to put Brooks and Grayson in since the two goons messed up their last fitting. The shop doesn’t think they will have anything ready in time, with the ceremony a week and a half away. I need to run by the caterers to drop off a final payment. The venue called, and they need us to stop by. They said it’s urgent. And about a hundred other things are on that list, but I think the biggest is trying to get Brooks to finally write his vows.”
My drink slams down against the table, the crash echoing around the restaurant. I hadn’t meant to put it down that hard, but the annoyance over that even having to be a thing on my checklist causes my hand to tighten on my cup. Several other customers glance our way, and heat creeps up my neck. Mia and Georgia are staring back at me with their mouths agape.
“Sorry,” I say more to the table than anyone else.
Georgia is the first to react, reaching out and placing her hand on mine. “Hey, no need for apologies here. This is a judgment-free zone.”
Mia hums in agreement. Her chair scrapes against the tile floor as she stands, and before I can fully prepare myself for it, her arms are wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight hug. “Deep breaths, babe. Deep breaths. We won’t let you drown in all of this, and neither will that husband of yours.”
I nod against her shoulder because I know she’s right. Brooks won’t let me down, but it also worries me that he hasn’t written his vows yet.
With Mia sitting back down in her chair, I have room to gather my courage and ask the question I’ve been asking myself for weeks. “I know this is silly—Brooks loves me, and we’ve come a long way—but sometimes these little tendrils of anxiety creepin. They get in my brain and make me wonder if he still loves me—why he still loves me. It’s not his fault. It’s my own. Brooks has done nothing to make me feel unloved. We talk about our problems, but how do I tell him that sometimes I need that reassurance that we aren’t going back to that place we were?”
The words come out in a jumbled mess, merging together so fast I’m not sure either Georgia or Mia caught them, but when I look up at their faces, I see such tender understanding there that I know they have.
“Do you know that Grayson shares his location with me always because there are times that I’m so afraid of losing him that I have full panic attacks? I know that Nate’s death was different, but it doesn’t take away the fear that I will lose someone else I love.”
I shake my head because I didn’t know that, but it also doesn’t surprise me. I don’t know how I would handle it if I lost Brooks the way Georgia lost her late husband. It would leave a mark on you that would never really heal.
“And did you know,” Georgia continues, “that I still have days when the loss is still so overwhelming that I lie in bed, trying to breathe around it—even though I love Grayson?”
Again, I shake my head. I can only imagine the pain that a loss like that would bring.
“My point is that Grayson doesn’t hold those things against me. He gladly shares his location, so it’s one thing I don’t worry about, and on the days it’s hard to breathe, he lies in bed with me and lets me cry. He doesn’t feel like I love him any less because of it, either. I think Brooks would be the same. He wouldn’t hold those fears against you, but I think he would chase them away. Let him do that for you. Tell him why it bothers you that he hasn’t written his vows. But be willing to listen to what he has to say, too.”
She’s right. Part of the problem last year was that I let my insecurities drown out my husband’s voice.
I don’t want to make that mistake again.
Chapter 13
Emryn,
You’re right. I’ve been holding back. I know how much you have going on right now, and I didn’t want to add to that burden. But that’s not our deal. We agreed to communicate—to share the weight of each other’s burdens.
I’m scared. There I said it, and believe me—that was hard to admit. It makes me feel weak to be scared. I’m supposed to be manly and strong—able to fix everything—but I can’t fix this. And I just got to know my dad. I’ve spent years being angry at him. I thought we had years left, but what if we don’t? What do I do then?
Love you,
Brooks
Chapter 14
Brooks
My knee bounces up and down, and as much as I’ve tried, I can’t stop it. A nervous energy is trapped inside my chest with nowhere to go. My fingers find a familiar thread on the edge of the couch, and I twirl it between them. It’s become a habit every time I visit here, but I’m afraid I might pull the entire stitching out today.
A hand finds my knee, putting enough pressure on it to hold it still, and when I look up, my wife’s eyes are on me. There’s understanding in her gaze, and with that one look, those nerves start to dissipate. She gets it because she’s feeling it, too, and there’s something cathartic about knowing you aren’t alone in your feelings.
“This will be good for her,” Emryn whispers.
And I nod because I know she is right.
Avery sits beside us, her legs dangling from the couch, and to my surprise, she also has a piece of string between her fingers, twirling it.
Letting go of the one I am holding, I reach out and cup her hand with mine.
She tilts her little chin up to look at me, a question in her eyes. “What are we doing here, Daddy?”
