Page 45 of When Ben Loved Jace
“There’s a park nearby,” I suggest once we’re outside.
“That’ll bring back a few memories,” he says as we begin to walk. His hand brushes against mine.
I pull away, but the fleeting contact sends goosebumps chasing across my skin. This has gone far enough! “I have a boyfriend,” I inform him.
His face falls. Then he sighs. “Fuck. I figured you might, but I hoped anyway. My loss.” Tim looks over at me sharply. “Really! The biggest loss of my life. You always have been.”
I wish my heart had an off switch, because it’s going crazy.
“So who’s the lucky guy?”
“His name is Jace. He’s a flight attendant.”
“Cool. Is it serious? How long have you guys been together?”
I don’t like the line of questioning, so I turn the tables on him. “Why did you move here, Tim? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”
I don’t mean to raise my voice. I just feel so much. Like always. Sometimes I think it’s my secret weakness. At others, I’m convinced it’s my greatest strength.
“I dunno,” Tim answers. “I guess I liked the idea of therebeing a chance of us getting back together, no matter how small. But uh… I was a mess that first year, even after getting away from my parents. I never went home for a visit without a girlfriend. I’d always find someone to bring with me, wanting to reassure them that I wasn’t…” He shrugs. “You know.”
He still can’t say it. I made the right decision after all. Maybe I can still help him though.
“Then I ran into Allison,” he continues, “and she said you’d moved across the country to get away from me. I thought sometimes about taking a road trip to find you. But I figured you wouldn’t be thrilled to see me, even if I did. Judging from how you reacted earlier today, I wasn’t wrong.”
“You surprised me,” I say, squirming with embarrassment. “That’s all.”
“You literally ran, dude,” Tim says, nudging me playfully. “That wasn’t exactly good for my self-esteem.”
“I’m sure you’ve had plenty of admirers since me,” I say pointedly.
“Yeah, maybe. But none of them could compete. Not with you.”
I can’t hold his gaze for long, because it wasn’t just the shock of running into each other again that made him lower his defenses. Everything he feels is still on display, right there for me to see.
We reach the playground and gravitate toward the swings, so we’ll have somewhere to sit. I won’t be facing him directly, which should help my resolve, because it’s already difficult not to sneak little peeks. He’s exceedingly handsome, sure, but there’s more to it than that because he used to be mine. Or maybe I was his.
“So anyway—” Tim sways while kicking at the ground. “—by the time I came out, I never thought I’d see you again.”
“Wait… What?”
He notices my astonishment and smiles. “That’s one of the things I was excited to tell you. I came out.”
“As what exactly?”
“Straight,” he says sarcastically, shaking the chain of my swing to jostle me. “I’m bisexual. Andno, that doesn’t mean I haven’t fully accepted myself. I like women and always will. But I also like guys. Maybe a little more, to be honest.”
“Okay, so what’s the name ofyourboyfriend,” I splutter, “because there’s no way that you’re single.”
“Why’s that?” he asks, clearly fishing for compliments.
“You know why.”
He shrugs. “I’m single.”
“Since when?” I challenge. “Last week?”
“For a while now,” he shoots back, sounding defensive. “I got my fucking heart broken, okay?”
