Page 114 of When Ben Loved Jace
I watch him set down the painting and walk to the bookshelves, where he picks up a wooden lion. His fingers move over the roughly hewn lines with reverence before he looks up at me.
“Did I ever tell you about this?”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure.”
“Victor carved it. He wasn’t big on material possessions, so it felt meaningful at the time. Especially since…” Jace swallows. “I wasn’t very secure in our relationship. I wascrazyabout him but never quite sure if he felt the same way. Not back then, at least. I guess he needed something to do while sitting in the woods all day, but when he gave this to me, he mentioned that whitling helped him think. When I asked him what he thought about, he got this intense look and said, ‘My dandy lion.’” Jace breathes in sharply, as if caught up in the memory, and what must have been his reaction to it. “That was his pet name for me. Anyway, I know how simple that all sounds, but in the moment, it was incredibly powerful. I felt loved.” He considers the lion fondly. Then he nods at the painting. “So if having that on the wall reminds you that you’re loved, I don’t mind it being around. I hope you feel the same way about this.”
He walks over and hands the carving to me.
The lion’s features are serene, by no coincidence I’m sure, because I see the same expression when looking up. “It’s beautiful. Victor had real talent.”
“So does Tim,” Jace says. “I’ve always liked that painting. The decision is yours. I don’t think we’d be the same people if not for those clumsy first attempts at love. I’m certain my relationship with you wouldn’t be the same. So at the very least, please don’t feel like you need to hide that part of your history from me. I honestly can’t remember the last time you spoke his name aloud.”
I do have a way of compartmentalizing. Especially when it comes to him. That seems silly after so many years. I’m married now. The past has been laid to rest. As much as it ever can be. I hand the lion back to Jace with a smile. Then I walk over to pick up the hammer and nails.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Twin spotlights follow the actors across the stage, the beams of light combining as the leads near each other. Music swells when they kiss. The audience bursts into applause. I join them with a grin, because dinner theater iswaycooler than I expected. I imagined a low-budget production and an audience of senior citizens. And while both of those expectations are mostly on target, there’s no denying the talent on display. I'm truly impressed. I glance over at Allison and nod my approval.
She beams back at me, because this was her idea. Allison has been going to her group meetings regularly, proving to be her father’s daughter both in weakness and in strength. Yes, she was getting a little carried away with the drinking, but like him, when she decided to quit, nothing could stop her. In fact, she claims everything is easier now. Allison has more energy during the day and is better at dealing with stress at night. I actually steered her in the right direction for once. In more than one way, as it turns out.
Allison grabs my arm in excitement. “That’s him!” she hisses, nodding at the stage.
I eagerly turn my head in that direction, because Brian has already reached legendary status. They became acquainted through her meetings. She’s been talking about him nonstop. I’ve been dying to meet the guy but haven’t had the chance, since they’re taking it slow. Brian didn’t feel it was right to start dating while she was still in recovery. That finally changed around the six-month mark. They’re officially an item now, which feels weird when I haven’t even seen a photo of him. I scan the stage as the actors take a bow but nobody leaps out at me.
I look to her for guidance and shake my head.
“At the very end,” she says, nodding at the stage again.
I reexamine the line of actors, dismissing the elderly woman at the far left. On the far right is a man with thinning auburn hair and a doughy face. I don’t remember seeing him on stage, unlike the dashing fellow he’s standing beside. Brian isn’t an actor. He owns the theater. I watch him search the audience, notice Allison, and smile affectionately. No doubt about it! That’s her man.
I glance at Allison while hiding my surprise. She’s notlooking at me anyway. Her eyes are shining. From the way she described him, I expected Brian to be another in a very long line of enviously hot guys that she’s dated. I was picturing muscles, not love handles.
“What do you think?” Allison asks as the audience begins to clear out around us.
“That was awesome!” I say, hastily finishing the last bite of my dessert. “I didn’t expect the food to be so good.”
“No, dummy,” Allison says. “What do you think about Brian.”
“The guy I saw from a distance for about two seconds?” I nod in approval. “Marry him.”
She laughs in embarrassment. “Maybe I will.”
He must be something special. Allison doesn’t fall easily. That’s usually my thing. Of course, if a guy keeps you waiting half a year out of a sense of integrity, that’s gotta be a big turn on. I already respect him for that, because my best friend is a beautiful woman, inside and out. Brian must have incredible self-control.
Soon we’re the last two people sitting at the rows of small tables. Allison hops up.
“Okay, let’s go. I can’t wait for you to meet him!”
She practically drags me toward the stage. We climb up a short set of stairs on the side, and like magic, suddenly we’re on a seaside dock. Allison is heading toward the wings, but I can’t resist. I rush over to a crate, hop up on it, and begin to sing.
“Forget what I want. What about what I need?”
Allison spins around, recognizing the line from one of our favorite musicals. She clasps her hands together and takes hesitant steps toward me, singing her response.
“Forget what I need. What about what I want?”
I turn my face away, as if torn.“This can’t be love because I still want more!”
