Page 72 of When Ben Loved Jace
He responds, his eyes half-lidded as he moves his lips dangerously close to mine. I turn my face away at the last second, so I can rest my head on his shoulder. “That’swhy. We’ll always be this way.”
“Then why resist it?”
I can’t expect him to understand. He doesn’t know Jace like I do. My man is incredibly special. Otherwise, this would be easy.
Tim wraps an arm around me, which feels nice, but it can’t go any further. Time to say goodbye. I breathe in the scent of his skin, dream of a world where God makes people in perfect pairs that fit together seamlessly, and nuzzle my nose against Tim’s neck before leaning away.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him.
His face is drawn in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? This is it?”
“Yeah.”
His expression becomes determined. “I was going to wait until we were together again before telling you this, since I never got to before, but if this is really it…”
“Don’t,” I plead. “Please.”
His brow furrows up. “Only you get to tell me how you feel?”
“It’ll make it too hard for me. So if you really do feel that way, then please… Don’t say it.”
Tim’s face twists up. Then he turns away so he can wipe at his eyes. “Fuck. This sucks.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Will you at least sing to me?”
“What?”
“I’ve wanted to hear you sing again since… Jesus, way longer than when we met up again. Sometimes I hear your voice in my dreams. I don’t care how cheesy that sounds. It’s true. So please… Just give me that much.”
I nod, relieved to have somewhere to put everything that I’m feeling, and sing one of his favorites. At least it used to be. If we ever had a song of our own, this would be it. Tim watches me, two wet trails tracing their way down his handsome face. Then he leans over, resting his head in my lap with a sob, his arms wrapping around my waist possessively. My voice chokes to a halt as we cry together, our hearts aching for everything that can never be.
— — —
“Good morning.”
I clench my eyes tight and snuggle up against Jace, burying my face in his chest. He places a hand on the back of my head, holding me for a few more minutes. Then he sighs.
“We’ve really got to get up.”
“Don’t wanna,” I mumble.
“At least I do,” Jace says patiently. “I have to pick up my dry cleaning. I fly out tomorrow.”
He rolls onto his back on his way out of bed, but he doesn’t make it that far. I grab him, use my full weight to pin him down, and cling to his torso like a baby koala.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“I know. Are you going to be okay?”
I’m honestly not sure. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m heartbroken, like when a serious relationship comes to an end. And yet I’m also drunk on love. I’ve been on a bender since saying goodbye to Tim, dropping absolutely everything to spend each moment with Jace. I mean that. Aside from bathroom breaks, I haven’t left his side for days, even when that means having to squeeze into his miniscule shower together. I don’t want to come down from this high. Not when I can still see the bottomless chasm below.
Jace wraps his arms around me and rolls over, so he’s on top—an idea I like very much. Except when he pushes himself up on his arms, the only thing he penetrates is my sullen gaze.
“Don’t you have any more vacation days?” I ask. “Can’t you call in sick?”
He shakes his head. “We have to get back to our normal lives. You especially.”
