Page 117 of When Ben Loved Jace
“Well Iamgay,” I remind him.
“And being forced to play a straight man.”
“I wouldn’t say forced.”
Brian shakes his head. “Are you kidding? I call all the shots around here. I literally own the theater. Oh god… I’ve become a gatekeeper, haven’t I? I can already imagine the headlines.” He grabs me by the shoulders. “Social media is going to have a field day with this. I’m gonna get canceled! We have to pull the plug!”
“We can’t! Not at the literal last minute!”
“What if it’s a disaster?”
“We’ll get through it.”
He blinks. Then he throws his arms around me. “You’re right. Thanks, Ben.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply when pulling away. “Keep it together. I have to go take my spot.”
I glance back at him after having done so, because I’m not nearly as nervous now. I’d give the man credit for being a master manipulator, but he’s currently dabbing the sweat off his brow while gulping down air. I won’t fail him. Nothing comes as naturally to me as singing. Although that difficult final duet… I’m still not sure I can stick the landing. Which worries me, because if I don’t it will sound like just another date. The audience needs to be convinced that two soulmates have finally found each other.
And speaking of spectators, stupid me upped the pressure by inviting everyone I know. That seemed like a good idea at the time. I wanted them to be here for my big debut. In retrospect, I should have invited them to closing night, when I would have already worked out the kinks. Ah well. At the very least, they’ll be obligated to pity-clap. I’ll take that over deafening silence.
It's time! The worst-case scenario suddenly becomes not performing at all. That motivates me to get out there and sing, which takes all my focus. There’s not any left for nerves. I do feel a little breathless, but I manage to push through. I don’t really get a break. As one of the two leads, I’m basically always on stage. A smaller role would have made more sense, considering my lack of experience, but then I’ve always been the type to jump in head first. I’m actually buzzing by the time we make it to the intermission. I’d rather just keep going and ride the wave of adrenaline. Especially when I hear applause.
“You did great!” Brian says, meeting me in the wings. “Outstanding, in fact!”
“Thanks!” My grin fades when he rushes off to talk to theother players. I don’t like having time to worry. I concentrate on rehydrating and the costume change, but a lot has to happen during a dinner theater intermission. That’s when people get their food and begin to eat. The wait goes on longer than I like. After checking in with the rest of the cast, I move to the curtain so I can covertly peer out at the audience. My family and friends take up two tables, front and center. My parents are seated at one with Allison and her father. Jace and Adrien share the other with Greg and Michelle. They all seem happy as they stuff their faces. Nobody is grimacing or exchanging looks of concern. I just have to make it through the second half… And that intimidating ending!
I turn around to face the darkened set, which resembles a town square, providing different places for the dates to take place. An outdoor café, a park, a street corner where musicians play… I simply need to lose myself in this world and let myself fall in love. That should be easy. Of course it would help if my co-star was handsome instead of pretty.
“Places everyone!”
Another shot of adrenaline courses through my body. Just what I needed! I’m back on, dancing with a disastrous date on the street corner and trying to buy the affection of another at a store front. After a few more attempts, I meet my best friend at the fountain, shaking my head when she mentions all the prospects that still remain. She pleads with me not to give up. I demand an explanation. The truth finally comes out. Our confessions are meant to be layered. Once she begins, I’ll interject with my own, she’ll respond, and so forth, but I’m so outclassed. Her voice is stunning! Maybe that has been the issue all along. She’s better than me. More experienced too. And because of her skill level, I can actuallybelievethat she really does love me. I have to match that somehow.
My attention darts nervously to the audience behind her, the artificial sunlight making the front row glow, and I see Jace. My husband. The one person who, more than anyone else, I don’t want to disappoint. I can live with snarky comments from Adrien or hollow praise from the others, but I love him and—
That’s all I need.
The confession explodes out of me. I’m singing tohim. He might as well be with me on stage. So that’swhat I imagine. Jace opens his mouth, singing back to me, our voices weaving together into a beautiful crescendo that reaches impossible heights but doesn’t quit there. I don’t want it to stop. Ever. The thundering applause is heartbreaking instead of soothing. The only salve on my soul is when we turn to the audience to bow and I see him there, smiling at me. Jace will be with me every night from now on, during each performance, because I’ve found the key.
I can do anything for him. No matter how daunting. His love makes me strong.
ChapterTwenty-nine
My husband is turning thirty. I’m both filled with adoration for him and beset by lowkey despair, because it sounds so damn old. Positively ancient! In gay years, this makes him the equivalent of fifty. He probably qualifies for senior citizen discounts at most of the bars. Ah well. I’ve always preferred men a little older than me, and at least he’s going out with a blast.
We decided to stage the party in our backyard, where we were delighted to discover a number of flowering trees. I mean, we obviously knew the trees were there, but this is our first spring at the house, so seeing them blossom with colorful blooms was a welcome surprise. Brian loaned us folding tables and chairs for the special occasion. He’s here with Allison, their relationship still going strong. And of course Michelle and Greg wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Jace even used some airline points to fly his parents down. They’re currently chilling with my own, our dads tending the grill. Adrien brought a date with him. Caleb, who has fostered a not-so-secret crush on him since college, finally worked up the nerve to ask Adrien out at our wedding. They’ve been together ever since.
That just leaves the youngest members of our family. Samson… and the little girl who is carrying him around the yard. I’m officially an uncle! It happened overnight, from my perspective. I suppose that’s how these things usually work, but they sure do grow up fast. Emma is a ten-year-old chubby little cherub with honey-blond hair and a precocious personality. I watch her raise the cat up so he can swat at leaves, which attracts her father’s attention.
“He’s a boxer, like you are,” Greg says. “Come show me what you’ve got!”
Emma sets Samson down before rushing over to her adopted father. She’s a total daddy’s girl, possessing his exuberance and the same taste in movies.
“Come at me like I’m Captain Communist inRock Fist IV,” Greg says, holding up his palms.
Emma takes the traditional boxer pose and begins punching his hands. Which is cute, but the back of his chair is resting against the table that holds the presents and cake.
“Your title or your life!” Emma hisses while pummeling him.
