Page 77 of When Ben Loved Tim
“Yeah, but what did youwantto do?” I press.
He looks uncomfortable.
I resist a sigh, already suspecting the answer. “I won’t get mad,” I assure him.
“She has gorgeous tits,” Tim says. “I wanted to touch them but…” He glances at me. “I thought it would upset you.”
I feel a surge of affection for him. He resisted cheating on me! Then again, I’m the guy he’s already cheating with. “This is getting crazy.”
“Yeah,” Tim says. “I’m not sure what to do.” He considers me wearily. “I know you want me to break up with her—”
“Not now!” I splutter. “At least, not so soon after what happened. That’ll raise all sorts of questions. But you do need to come up with a reason why you didn’t want more from her.”
“Like what?”
I think about it. “Your family is Catholic. Tell her that you’re really religious or something.”
Tim’s eyebrows shoot up. “Think that will work?”
“It does on me,” I grumble.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“That I know you struggle with it.”
He shakes his head. “No I don’t.”
“Really?” I ask evenly. “Answer one question for me, and be honest.”
“Fine.”
“Are you straight?”
Tim’s shrugs. “Yeah.”
“Then what am I?”
“The exception to the rule,” he replies so quickly that he must have comforted himself with the thought previously.
I don’t believe it though. Not at all. It’s a great big world. Surely there’s another guy out there besides me who would do it for him, and that makes him bisexual.
I shift in my seat so I’m facing the front again, sad, guilty, and confused. Why is this so difficult for him? We must feel the same way. Or maybe not, considering how much he still hides from me.
“Benjamin,” Tim says. He places his hand on my chin, turning my face toward his. Then he kisses me again, his gaze intense when he pulls back. “Isn’t that all that really matters?”
“Yeah,” I admit. I can live with his denial. I can help him figure it all out. I can wait until he’s ready to open himself to me completely… “But not with her in the picture.”
He leans back. “What are you saying?”
“That we have to stop. For now.” I hate the words. Enough that I take his hand, even though it sends mixed signals. “We can still hang out. But we can’t…” I make myself let go of him and don’t attempt to talk around the lump in my throat.
“Her mom invited me over next week,” Tim says with a sigh, “for Thanksgiving. And you said I shouldn’t dump her so soon after—”
“Fuck what I said!” I swallow against rising emotion. “Just break up with her. As soon as you can. Okay?”
Tim presses his lips together. “You were right though. I don’t need another breakup to explode in my face. I was looking forward to that dinner too, because my parents have plans of their own.”
“You can come over to my house,” I tell him. “You can hang out with me and my friends if yours reject you. It’ll be fine. Just get it over with.”
