Page 76 of Switch!
“Yeah. I thought that’s what I wanted until it actually happened. The first night she was gone, I cried myself to sleep. I wanted her to love me. Instead I made it so she never could. So stupid of me!”
“You were young.”
“I guess. It wasn’t that long ago. How old are you really?”
“Seventeen.”
“Same here. This was when I was fifteen, so I can’t blame it on my age. I should have known better.” She reaches for her fork again, but only to move food around. “The good news is that they got back together. The bad is that my dad still resents me. Doesn’t matter how much he tries to deny it. I know. So I moved out.”
“On your own?”
Trixie shrugs. “I’ve always been independent. I get by okay.”
We eat in silence for a few minutes. Nothing is more awkward than the truth. I try to imagine what her life must be like. At least when I skipped town, I did so with another family.
“So you go to school during the day and work at night?”
“Nope. I’m a drop-out. I’ll probably never finish school. What about you?”
“Who knows.” I do a quick mental check. “Jesse has an associate’s degree. So in a way, I’ve already finished college.”
Trixie laughs. “Lucky! You can switch from body to body until you find whatever degree or career you want. Hey, when am I going to see you in action? Can you take over the waiter and have him give us this meal for free?”
“It’s not that simple,” I say. “I wasn’t even sure I could keep switching after my silver cord broke. It’s scarier without it. I’m nervous about how everything works now, or if I should be doing this at all. Morally, you know? To be honest… Hey! I guess that’s a useless phrase around you.”
Trixie looks exasperated. “So many people lie right after saying it too. ‘To be honest, bullshit bullshit bullshit.’ Happens all the time.”
“Really? Wow. Anyway, I usually let Jesse do all the driving. He’s usually in control of his body. I’m trying not to interfere in his life too much.”
“How does that work?” Trixie asks. “Will he not remember any of this?”
“He will, but he’ll adjust events until they make sense to him.”
“Even this crazy-ass conversation where we’re openly talking about it? What’s he going to think about having dinner with a teenage girl? Or all the nutty stuff you said to the group?”
I work my jaw but can’t produce an answer. I have no idea how he’ll justify these events to himself.
Trixie grins. “Let me talk to him.”
“What?”
“Jesse! Can you let him be in control so I can introduce myself? We could ask him what he thinks about it all.” She slaps the table in her excitement. “Even better, I could explain it to him!”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I feel pressure to do it anyway, to prove I’m not full of shit, before I remember such things aren’t necessary with her. TrixieknowsI’m telling the truth. “He might freak out. I’m not sure. I’ve never shared a body with anyone before.”
“Half-truth,” Trixie says while cocking her head. “But not intentional.”
I think about it. “Oh! I did share a body with Caleb, before we switched places completely, but this is different. More intense. I wasn’t as aware of his thoughts, for instance. Maybe this is Phase Three or something.”
“Huh?”
“It’s a system I came up with,” I say, shaking my head dismissively. “I used to write down everything in a notebook as it happened. Pages and pages of notes to help me make sense of it all.”
“That sounds amazing. Can I read it?”
“I wish. It’s in Caleb’s bedroom closest.” Along with my other possessions, like a library card that has Travis’s name on it. Lord only knows what Mrs. McCain thought of that, if she found it already.
“Too bad.”
