Page 113 of Switch!
“Why?” I ask. “Who did it belong to? The little girl I saw? It was only a flash of memory. You were playing with some sort of radio together. I thought it might be your sister but… Do you have a daughter?”
Patrick grimaces and groans. “Stop.”
“You did. You had a child and… And a wife!” I’m only getting impressions. None of them last. I see a beautiful woman smiling at me before the image goes black. A little girl stomps gleefully through puddles before that too is snatched away. “How are you doing that? What are you hiding from me?”
“Not from you,” Patrick says through clenched teeth. “From myself. I can’t think of them. It hurts too much.”
“Tell me,” I plead, moving closer to him. “Maybe I can help.”
Patrick is shaking his head. “You can’t. Nobody can.”
“Why? What happened to them?”
“Get away from me!”
I stop, but I don’t give up. “Trixie has been going through that room. She’s smart. I bet she figured out your secret already, so you might as well tell me.”
“You wanna see?” Patrick snarls. “Fine! I’ll show you!”
Now it’s my turn to clutch at my head, because the memories that assault me are not only plentiful, they’re also filled with emotion. A pretty girl lived across the street from the house Patrick grew up in. They played together as children, although not as friends. Their paths would only cross during neighborhood games, such as tag. That was probably the first time he touched Laura. A slap on the back, or maybe his fingertips had brushed her shoulder as she ran away. Patrick would try desperately to remember during his teen years, because the girl he had mostly ignored became an obsession. He would stand by his window, writing down the hours and minutes he happened to see her, learning a pattern that he could almost rely on. It wasn’t until junior year that they shared a class, their desks right next to each other. Patrick made a joke. She laughed and said something equally funny. That was the beginning.
And far from the end. Homecoming, prom, college plans designed so they could be together… and then an accidental pregnancy. Not that either of them minded. It was serendipity, they decided, and so they gave their daughter a name which reflected that spirit.
Serena.
I experience the joy of her birth, the constant exhaustion and worry of that first year, and the bursts of pride that accompanied each of her achievements. Learning to walk, to speak, to sing and dance and write and play. Serena had been the center of his world. Patrick and Laura had been good parents. Attentive but not overbearing. Loving but also just.
Serena developed into a bright little girl. By the time she reached her seventh year, her teachers were always praising her limitless potential. This wasn’t news to Patrick. He knew she was going to be someone special. Serena was going to change the world. For the better.
“What happened?” I croak, dreading the answer, because I doubt this story has a happy ending.
“Do you want to see?” Patrick asks, face twisted up with indignation. “I’ll show you. Maybe then you’ll finally be satisfied.”
The environment shifts around us. The sky above us is blue, the sun shining bright. I can feel a warm breeze on my face and a shock of cold as a wave smacks into the back of my legs. I’m standingon topthe ocean, and even though I’m clearly not in the real world, I still feel vertigo before adjusting to the situation. A beach is ahead of me, and further down the coast, a city skyline that I don’t recognize.
“Where are we?”
“San Diego,” Patrick says. “This was supposed to be a family vacation, but an important client was threatening to terminate their contract with the firm I worked for. I sent Laura and Serena ahead of me with the promise that I’d fly down on the weekend if I could. Look. There they are now.”
I turn my attention to the people on the beach. Laura is walking on the sand, her footsteps erased with each rushing wave. Serena is keeping pace with her from the water, where she splashes around before swimming to catch up. We watch as she stops to pose for a photo at her mother’s request.
“And now she calls me,” Patrick says.
Laura bows her head, attention on the phone. I’m watching Serena, already worried about what might happen, especially when she avoids a wave by diving beneath it. I hold my breath until her head appears again. She looks so small in such a vast environment. I’m not the only one keeping watch. Laura shouts a warning, although we’re not close enough to hear the exact words.
“‘Stay close to the shore,’” Patrick says. “It’s the first thing I heard when the call connected. Don’t think it was neglect on her part. This was a big moment for us, and Laura didn’t want me to miss it. Serena had been obsessed with mermaids ever since she was old enough to watch TV. She wanted tobeone, and when we gently explained why that wasn’t possible, she asked for swimming lessons instead. She was only five, but she took to the water right away.”
Serena is swimming in our direction, like she can see us and wants to be reunited with her father. Patrick begins walking toward her.
“She always wanted to swim in the ocean,” he says as I follow. “That’s not possible in Washington. The water never gets warm enough. We planned this trip just for her. I was supposed to be here with them. If I had been, maybe it would have turned out differently.”
“Wait,” I say, dread making my stomach sink. “What’s going to happen? I don’t know if I can handle this.”
Patrick doesn’t seem to hear me. He just keeps talking. “Laura called me so I could share in the moment. Video conferencing. I remember her smile and the streams of sunlight. That only frustrated me more, because I was meant to be there with them instead of having a shitty day at the office. I started venting, complaining about how my boss was treating me and— It doesn’t matter. I was angry, and Laura was listening, but only at first.”
“Serena!”
I look up in time to see Laura drop the phone on the sand. She runs into the water, continuing to call her daughter’s name.
