Page 63 of Pride High 2: Orange
He shook his head while studying Charles. Cameron could still remember the first time they had met. His first impression had been of an older woman, but when he’d noticed the deeper voice and adam’s apple, he realized that Charles had been born a man. And now…
I took everything beautiful inside myself and brought it to the surface. I am neither man nor woman. I am, quite simply, the person I was always meant to be.
That’s how Charles had described it when Cameron finally felt comfortable enough to ask. But at the time, he didn’t consider what a long journey that must have been.
“What was it like for you?” Cameron said as he settled down on a curved couch upholstered in emerald fabric. “When you came out, I mean.”
“The first or the second time?” Charles asked as he took a seat on the opposite end. Their bodies were angled toward each other. “Although the answer is the same. Coming out was dreadful. Why? You said everything went splendidly.”
“With my mom,” Cameron said, his throat constricting. “My dad just got back in town.”
“Ah. And he wasn’t as receptive?”
Cameron swallowed and shook his head wordlessly, not trusting his voice to stay strong enough.
Charles sighed. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could truthfully say that these things take time, and that your father will eventually come around. But experience has taught me otherwise. I was in my early twenties when I first attempted to broach the subject with my parents. This was back in the sixties. Change was sweeping the nation, and I felt myself caught up in it. I’d met someone special enough that I no longer wanted to hide who I loved from my parents. As it turned out, they took the opposite approach, pretending as though they had never heard my confession. Whenever I brought up my boyfriend, or anything related to being queer, they steadfastly ignored me. That was how it went for years. While they denied who I was, I continued to find myself and eventually reached a point where I no longer felt comfortable reverting to my old appearance each time I went to visit them. I tried to explain that as well, with little success. And so I forced them to confront reality.”
“How?” Cameron asked hoarsely, hoping desperately for a simple solution.
“I arrived at their house on Christmas Day, dressed not so different than you see me now. I could have shown up in a sequined gown and mink stole, but my goal wasn’t to upset them. I’d simply hoped, when they saw my true self, that everything would click into place. Much as it had for me years earlier.”
Cameron’s woes were swiftly replaced by concern for his friend. “What happened?”
Charles was quiet as he toyed with his wedding ring. When he finally stopped and looked over, pain creased his features. “My father’s words were unkind. Which was depressingly routine, so that didn’t surprise me. As for my mother… Shehatedwhat she saw. Enough that she felt the need to attack me. She ripped the wig from my head, tore at my clothes, and tried smearing the makeup off my face. I balled up on the floor in an attempt to shield myself. I still think about that sometimes, how for nine months I was curled up in a similar position inside her womb. Back then she had done everything to nurture and protect me. And there I was, two decades later, being assaulted by the very same woman. She used to love me. And yet all it took to break that spell was a cheap blouse from the clearance aisle.”
“I’m sorry,” Cameron said, swallowing against emotion.
“I’m not,” Charles said evenly. His smile was serene. “That’s why I’m telling you this story. My father never accepted me. He died of a heart attack in the seventies. My mother is still alive, and we have a relationship of sorts, but she refuses to be seen with me in public. Despite all of that, I don’t regret coming out. Not even to them.”
“You don’t?”
“Absolutely not! I sometimes wish my parents had been more accepting, or that I could have found a way of getting through to them. But then I think of the man I eventually married and how many joyous years we’ve had together. Even if we hadn’t met, when I’m alone with myself, all I feel is peace. I’m happy. Beyond anything that I dreamt possible. Love and hate can be found in equal measure, but only one is worth focusing on.” Charles placed his hand over Cameron’s. “Your father should be proud of you. I certainly am.”
“Thanks,” Cameron croaked. He couldn’t take it anymore. His face crumpled and he began to cry.
“It’s okay,” Charles said while rubbing his back. “Let it all out.”
Cameron leaned over, letting himself topple over until his head was resting in Charles’s lap as he continued to weep.
“You’ll be okay,” Charles cooed while stroking his hair. “Everything will be fine. If I can survive this crazy ol’ world then so can you. This is the story of our people. We have a special sort of heart that not everyone understands. The only tragedy is not allowing ourselves to feel the unique love that it can produce.”
Cameron sat up again. “I’m so glad we’re friends,” he squeaked.
“So am I,” Charles replied. “You’re on my list, when I think of everything I might have missed out on. I’m not sure if we would have met had I become a proctologist like my parents wanted. At least not until you were much older.”
Cameron made a face. “Isn’t that a—”
“Butt doctor? Yes. Ironic, isn’t it? My parents should have welcomed the practical experience that comes with being gay. Then again, I never wanted to be a doctor, even if they had accepted me. That’s a story as old as time itself. No matter who you are, the wishes of your parents rarely align with your own desires. Which makes it even more foolish to give in to their demands.”
“I never will,” Cameron said, steeling himself with determination.
Charles nodded in approval. “Good.”
Cameron stood and went to the grandfather clock. After checking his watch, he returned the minute hand to the correct position. Then he closed the glass door and turned around. “Thank you.”
Charles smiled. “My pleasure. I wish I could invite you to join us.”
He didn’t need to explain why that wasn’t possible. Charles was protective of his husband and had promised that Cameron would meet him when the time was right. “Is he in the library?”
