Page 136 of Pride High 2: Orange
Dr. Sharma eyed him while sipping her coffee. Then she set it down and leaned back. “What’s on your mind, Ricky?”
She might as well have fired the shot that began a race. “I kissed a boy,” he said. “And it was really great, because it’s exactly what I wanted. But now I’m wondering what he wants, even though he kissed me back, because he never seems to think about how he feels about anything like that, and I can’t tell if he has feelings for me at all, or if he’s only going along with what Iwanthim to feel, or maybe…” He noticed that Dr. Sharma was holding up her hand. “Sorry. Too fast?”
“A bit slower might help,” she said with a serene smile. “Let’s back up a little. Are you referring to Diego?”
“Yes,” Ricky said, exhaling with relief. He couldn’t talk to anyone else about him. His friends were too full of vague warnings, and his parents would only get in the way.
“And you said that he kissed you, which sounds very promising.”
“Sort of,” Ricky said with a sigh. “I kissed him first, or tried to. He kissed me back right after, but it was midnight on New Year’s, and he was kind of drunk and maybe high.”
“I see,” Dr. Sharma said, her eyebrows raising ever so slightly.
“He wasn’t wasted or anything,” Ricky assured her. “In fact, I think he’s been drinking less since we met. He doesn’t get drunk during school anymore.” His instincts screamed that he shouldn’t be telling an adult such things, but Dr. Sharma had promised their conversations would remain confidential. Although that didn’t mean she was apathetic.
“Were you sober at the time?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said, because it was close enough to the truth. He might have felt a little buzz from the nibble of pot brownie he’d eaten, but she didn’t need to know about that. Not in so much detail. “Diego can be really sweet. He made me a Christmas present, which was nice. But after that kiss, I kept waiting for more. I thought he might admit that he has feelings for me, or want to kiss me again, or try to hold my hand. But none of that happened. I did what you said too. Instead of wondering, I asked him about it. In a few different ways.”
Dr. Sharma nodded. “That’s always worth a shot. Let’s try a little experiment though. How doyoufeel about Diego?”
“I really like him!”
She nodded encouragingly.
“He’s handsome,” Ricky added. “And a little crazy, but also misunderstood. Sometimes he reminds me of the lion in that old story, the one who is mean because he has a thorn stuck in his paw?”
“But how do youfeeltoward him?” she stressed.
“That’s what I’m trying to say. I’d like to be the person who pulls the thorn out, so he’ll stop hurting.”
Dr. Sharma’s smile was difficult to interpret. She almost seemed to collect herself before she pressed on. “I was hoping you would struggle to find the right words to express how you feel. But you’ve managed to do so in a way that’s quite eloquent. Had my ploy played out as intended, you would have stumbled over your words and realized that most people aren’t good at defining how they feel.”
“You think that’s what’s going on with him?”
“It could be,” Dr. Sharma said.
Ricky leaned forward. “Could you talk to him for me? He can have one of my sessions. I think he really needs it. More than I do.”
“That’s very generous of you,” Dr. Sharma said, “but I’m not here to solve your problems. I’d rather teach you skills that will enable you to solve them for yourself. I like to imagine that as a sort of Swiss Army knife. You’ve learned to ask questions when you need answers, and in many situations, that will serve you well. But not everyone is capable of expressing themselves adequately. Even if they can, words can be misinterpreted or misleading. Actions are rarely so vague. Forget about what Diego has said. What has hedone? You mentioned a Christmas present. And that he kissed you back. What else?”
Ricky swallowed. “He’s always taking me out to eat. Nowhere fancy. But he’ll think of it without me having to say that I’m hungry. And he always pays.”
“That’s very considerate of him. What else?”
“He didn’t mind when I showed up at his work. I worried it was a bad idea as soon as my mom drove away, but he was so cool about it. I got to see his office, which is like his bedroom, so it counts as his personal space. That felt like progress. Although he didn’t kiss me when we said goodbye. Not until I kissed him first. He’s always interested in sex. I am too. But I need more. I keep waiting for him to hug me or even just put an arm around my shoulders. So I guess he only likes me as a friend?”
“Perhaps,” Dr. Sharma said. “It’s important to pair a person’s actions with what you know about them. From what I’ve observed, you grew up in a very affectionate home. Your parents make sure to regularly demonstrate how much they love you. Would you agree?”
“Absolutely,” Ricky said. “They’re great.”
“What about Diego’s parents? You said his father died when he was younger, and that his mother doesn’t treat him well.”
Ricky frowned. “I don’t think she cares about him. Like at all.”
“Which would be a very difficult situation to grow up in. Diego has probably learned to shield himself from harm, rather than open himself to others. But he still has feelings like the rest of us. I simply wouldn’t expect him to express them with as much nuance as you are capable of.”
“Actions,” Ricky said with a nod. “That’s what I should pay attention to.”
