Page 50 of The Lost Lord
“You don’t have to enjoy their company to build something worthwhile,” Edward observed.
“I know, darling. I have you to remind me of my good fortune, and what a joy it is to be able to share some of it with those less fortunate.”
Edward squeezed her hand right there at the dinner table. Richard wanted to be appalled, but all he could muster was morose dejection knowing if he tried to touch his wife’s hand, she’d probably slap it away. He deserved that. He knew he did.
“You managed this project while becoming a countess and bearing your first child?” asked Mrs. Kent.
“Not exactly. We are still searching for an appropriate location. We had thought to perhaps let Richard’s cottage as a temporary location, but then the opportunity for Richard to gain a peerage arose, and we decided he might better wish to use it as his country seat. It was also a way for me to develop contacts within society, which has proved useful for the other reason we remained in London this summer.” The countess smiled proudly at her husband.
“I have taken up the customary role in the House of Lords,” Edward added. “It is monstrously tedious, negotiating with every single interested member. There is a vote planned for early September.”
Another affectionate squeeze. Richard risked another glance at Miriam. This time, her eyes were on her with an intensity of emotion that made him shudder. Perhaps, there was hope for affectionate squeezes at the table and without having his hand swatted away.
Chapter 21
Miriam nearly collapsed with relief when she was shown to a separate bedroom from Richard’s without having to ask. Mrs. Kent’s room was immediately next door to hers, while Richard’s connected through an internal, adjoining door. Miriam had been assigned a maid, who had stored her belongings carefully in an ornately painted wardrobe.
Alone. She needed this time to recover from what she had done. A single word from her, and Richard would have left her alone. Fool that she was, Miriam hadn’t taken the way out he’d offered her. Miriam checked and re-checked the adjoining door. She attempted opening it only to discover that it was locked from the other side. Richard must have heard her scuffling near the door because he knocked, received Miriam’s permission, and hesitantly entered her quarters.
A few weeks ago, she’d have given anything to have him come to her bedroom. Now, Miriam was confused to still want the man who had betrayed her so badly.
“Tell me everything about your plan with Lizzie,” Miriam demanded without preamble. If she were to salvage this adventure, Mrs. Kent was right. She had to go after what she wanted. How long could they maintain the fiction of being happily married newlyweds if she and Richard didn’t talk?
At first, Richard was eager to explain himself. “The night Lizzie came to me with this idea, I turned her down flat. I heard her out as she described her scheme, which she apparently mistook for consent. I told her outright that her scheme was a fantasy, and that it would never work. That is when she told me she was pregnant. She knew it would force my hand.”
Richard sat back and ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t know whether or not to believe her. Lizzie will say anything to get what she wants, no matter how tenuous its relation to the truth. I told her that if she wanted her scheme to work that she needed to stop coming to my rooms in the middle of the night. I was unequivocal in telling her that she had to be completely out of the picture from that moment forward. Lizzie did not like the fact that I was ending the association. I implied that I would go along with her scheme just to get her out of my cabin. It was cowardly of me. I have no excuse other than I could not bring myself to leave the mother of my child friendless, no matter how much I disliked her. For me, any relationship with Lizzie ended that evening.”
Miriam swallowed. “Lizzie put you in an impossible position.”
She could acknowledge that much truth. A vise tightened around her chest. Richard’s dark eyes pleaded with her to believe him, but Miriam didn’t know if she ever could.
“Yes. I felt I deserved Lizzie, because I have not lived a virtuous life, Miriam. I have reveled in every type of sin known to man, as well as a few I may have invented.”
Her imagination furiously conjured every kind of pleasure she had never experienced. Richard gave her a small, knowing smile. Miriam felt heat spread across her cheeks and pulled her wrapper closer around her neck as she tucked her bare feet onto the chair in her dressing alcove.
“Once Lizzie had planted the seed of courting you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Miriam. You looked like a nymph playing in the sunlight that morning on the beach the next morning. I found you utterly irresistible.” Richard stalked the short length of her room while speaking.
“Unfortunately, that gave Lizzie the impression that I was going along with her scheme. She took up with your cousin Spencer in a bid to incite my jealousy. When that didn’t work, she grew angry and began snooping through my mail to find information she could use to coerce me. I had hoped she might reconcile with Arthur and leave me alone but no. Until she appeared on theNew Hope,I had no idea that she would go to such lengths. Lizzie is completely out of control.”
“You’re scaring me.” But what Miriam felt was more complicated than fear. Regret at having befriended a woman who had never valued her beyond her money, apparently. Lizzie had only included her in the fun because she had been planning to cheat her all along. Miriam had played unknowing part in bringing Lizzie into Richard’s life. She felt ashamed of her naivete.
“I don’t mean to. Apart from being obnoxious and dogging our heels, I doubt Lizzie intends any real harm to either of us.”
“And the buggy you took me riding in?” Miriam demanded. It had bothered her, once she had taken the time to think it over. He hadn’t owned one, yet he’d procured a very fine one on a moment’s notice.
Richard said nothing. Miriam knew she had him even before he spoke.
“Yes. I borrowed it from Lizzie. I did not wish to disappoint you, and I had no other means to obtain one.”
Miriam groaned. “Why is getting the truth out of you like pulling teeth? Can’t you simply speak honestly for once?”
Richard fisted his hands in his hair. “I’ve not had much practice with honesty. I am trying, Miriam. I swear.”
“Try harder.” Miriam said, scowling. Richard’s footfalls came closer. Her pulse quickened at his approach.
“I am sorry. I never expected to fall in love with you. I tried to warn you about me. But now that I have you, I find I am desperate to keep you.”
He caressed her curls, and Miriam leaned her face against his hard stomach. Hot tears stung her eyelids. “I don’t know how to forgive you, Richard. I hate to think you were right when you said I had used you for the same reasons Lizzie did. You are not wrong, though.”
