Page 53 of Anxious Hearts
They all looked at her with wide eyes.
‘What do you mean?’ June said. ‘Finley comes over every year on Easter Sunday. We’ve got him an egg and everything.’
‘Not this year. He’s got something else on,’ she said.
‘Bullshit,’ Fergus said.
June scowled. ‘Fergus!’
He shrugged. ‘What? Finn comes over every Easter. There’s no way he’s—’ Fergus made air quotes with his fingers, ‘—“got something else on”.’
The truth was that Finn was spending the afternoon with Ashley’s family. Kelly had been shocked when he’d told her via text message that morning. It was a spontaneous decision, he’d said, and Kelly wondered what had transpired on their date night in Finn’s apartment. She didn’t want to think about it. Not so much as to what they did or didn’t do, but that Finn had chosen Ashley over her. After spending time with his mother, Finn would always come to the O’Mara’s on Christmas Day and Easter Sunday. He loved the way the family was all together, enjoying each other’s company. It was something that had been taken from him when he was just a boy. For him to so callously text Kelly to say he was trading them in for a new family made her think that perhaps Ashley meant more to him than he had let on. That Toula was wrong about it being a fling.
June narrowed her eyes at her daughter. ‘Is everything all right, honey?’
Kelly’s throat tightened. Her mum always knew. ‘Yeah, yeah, of course. He’s just … he’s dating this new girl.’ It was all she could think to say.
‘Well, that’s great,’ June said. ‘He should bring her over as well. I’d love to meet her.’
‘They’re with her family today.’
Kelly saw her own family’s collective agreement not to push any further. They all knew she was hurting, but they would let it be, for now.
***
Two hours later, when they were all sleepy from the roast and the wine, Kelly took a bottle of champagne and two glasses and found her brother sitting on the bench her mother had placed among the flowers in their expansive garden at the front of the house. His eyes were glazed and his movements were slow – he was as buzzed as she was. She sat down beside him on the bench as the warm autumn sun prickled the skin of her bare arms. Fergus took a long drag on a cigarette.
‘Got another one of those?’ Kelly said.
He looked up at the sky and languidly expelled the smoke from his lungs, watching it drift lazily in the toasty afternoon air. ‘You don’t smoke,’ he said.
‘Neither do you.’
‘My marriage fell apart.’
‘The internet knows me as Dr Omelette.’
He nodded and flicked open the cigarette packet adorned with the ghastly rotten teeth of some pathetic soul. Kelly slid one out, the soft paper touch still sending a thrill of rebellion up her fingertips like static electricity. She lit the end, drew back hard and held the burning poison in her lungs. The head rush made her giddy and her chest felt ready to explode.
She exhaled and butted out on the seat. ‘Filthy habit.’
Fergus laughed.
Kelly poured them both a glass of champagne and they toasted in silence. She drank the whole glass, tilting her head back until the warmth in her chest matched the heat of the sun on her exposed throat.
When she poured another, Fergus looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
‘What?’ Kelly asked.
‘Oh, nothing. It’s just that you only drink and smoke like a Vegas hooker when you’re in some seriously deep shit.’
Kelly felt the alcohol numb her. Mute the realisation of the utter chaos and terror of everyday life. ‘What do you know about Vegas hookers?’ she said. Then she raised a finger. ‘Wait – don’t answer that.’
Fergus patted her leg. ‘Don’t worry, sis. I’m not that depraved. And I’m also not drunk enough to miss that little piece of redirection.’
Kelly felt a goofy smile form on her lips. It was heavy and uncooperative. Lopsided.
‘Where’s Finn?’ Fergus said.
