Page 90 of Anxious Hearts
Toula shrugged. ‘Friends for life,’ she said, as though that explained everything.
Kelly smiled. ‘Friends for life.’
Toula hugged Kelly tight, her enormous bosom giving a kind of primal comfort. She rubbed Kelly’s back, lingering for a moment on each rib. ‘You’re too skinny.’
‘I’m too stressed.’
‘Lucky I brought food.’
Kelly was pleased. She hadn’t eaten more than a Vegemite sandwich in the past twenty-four hours. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah, and I also knitted you a quilt, painted my nails and squeezed into my spandex for you.’
Kelly laughed.
Toula disengaged from the hug. ‘I’ve got a baby, for fuck’s sake. No, I didn’t bring food. You’re lucky I’m here in clean underwear.’
Kelly looked into the pram, which Toula had parked beside the wall when she entered Kelly’s apartment. Jackson was sleeping soundly in what looked like a cross between overalls and a sleeping bag. His face shifted from grimace to smile to plea all in the space of a few seconds. He had a little breastfeeding blister on his lip that he sucked intermittently, smacking his lips like an old man satisfied with the four o’clock roast from the local RSL.
He was mesmerising, no question about it. But this was not for her. Not now. Not when she was so close. She knew Toula was standing right behind her, also looking at Jackson. She could almost feel the heat of her proud smile on her shoulder.
‘Thanks for bringing him over,’ Kelly whispered without taking her eyes off the baby. ‘My opportunities to examine real patients have been sub-optimal since the whole getting booted from the hospital thing. There’s only so many times I can review notes and recreate patient exams in my head.’
‘No problem,’ Toula said. ‘Nobody invites me over for my company anymore, it’s always about seeing my son. I’m just the mobile breast-milk machine that has to compulsorily attend the visit.’
Kelly turned back to her friend. ‘No pumping today?’
‘The bloody thing broke.’ She cupped her hands under her breasts. ‘Not made for power users, I guess.’
‘Well, I value you for much more than just your boobs.’
‘Ha! Next you’ll be telling me you really like my personality.’
‘I wouldn’t go that far.’
They both laughed. Subdued, so they wouldn’t wake Jackson, but genuine, nonetheless. A little of the weight on Kelly’s soul broke off. Toula was good for her.
They settled in to chat and drink tea while they waited for Jackson to wake. Kelly talked about what happened with Finn two days ago, her story punctuated by increasingly incredulousWhat the fuck?interjections from Toula.
‘I’ve never seen him like that,’ Kelly said. ‘Not just the drugs. It was like part of him was there and part of him was lost, you know? Like looking at an artist’s bad rendition of him or something.’
‘How can we help him?’
Kelly’s heart filled with warmth. Toula was loyal to Kelly first, but Finn was still her old friend, too. Of course she would want to help him.
‘I don’t know. And until I get through this exam, I just don’t have the capacity to think about it.’
‘Five more days,’ Toula said. ‘You think he’ll be all right for five more days?’
Kelly thought about what Finn was doing to himself. He was obviously using cocaine heavily, probably multiple times a day, given that she’d found him snorting in her apartment. They’d been apart barely six and a half weeks, a shockingly short amount of time to go from zero drug use to outright dependence. But, from a clinical perspective, it made sense: Finn’s profile was perfectly suited to addiction. She knew that as soon as he’d experienced the rush and the melting away of all those problems and anxieties he’d built up in his mind, the feeling of euphoria would be almost irresistible. Especially on the way down. It was a miracle he hadn’t tried cocaine before now.
But, then, she’d always been there for him. It was only when she’d turned him away that Finn’s life had spiralled out of control. Kelly suppressed the feeling of guilt. Finn made his own choices. He was a grown man. She wasn’t his mother.
Ashley must have had something do with it.
No matter what Kelly told herself, though, the gnawing in her gut persisted. She considered Toula’s question. Would Finn be all right for the next five days? Yes. It was cocaine, not heroin.
‘Fuck, Touls, I don’t know. He should be okay, but he was snorting in my apartment. I’m worried he might go too far.’
