Page 94 of The Charm Offensive
Dev jerks his head. He must have misheard. Misunderstood. “W-what?”
“It must be harder,” Ryan says, his tone as indifferent as ever. It gives nothing away, even as Dev feels his insides slide down tohis feet in panic. “You’re watching the guy you’re sleeping with meet his future in-laws.”
Ryan knows. Dev’s brain seizes painfully around this realization and its fallout. He’d thought they had more time. He’d parceled out the remaining days with Charlie like chocolate in an Advent calendar, and he’d thought they hadmore time. He thought the clock would end with Charlie proposing to Daphne; he didn’t think it would end with people finding out.
Dev can’t decide what to do or what to say or how to move his arms. Should he deny it? Own it? Beg? Barter?Please.Please don’t tell. Please let us have just a little more time.
“How…?” he tries. “What…why?”
“Come on, Dev.” There’s nothing gloating or vindictive in Ryan’s words, just the usual self-righteous calm. “You flew his best friend to set, and he flew your favorite pop star to South Africa.”
He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it is.
“I’ve done that job. Before this season, I was the prince’s handler for four years, and do you remember me ever spending my days off hanging out with the guy? Do you remember me happily sharing a living space with him for two months? Of course not.”
“Please don’t tell,” Dev blurts when he finally finds his sentences again. “I know I am ruining the show, but—”
“Theshow? Dev, I don’t give a shit about the show. I give a shit aboutyou.”
He thinks about Franschhoek, when Ryan didn’t tell him about the overnight date; he thinks about Ryan trying to talk to him about Charlie at the bar; and he thinks about their fightall the way back in week two. He realizes this is a conversation Ryan’s been trying to have with him for a while.
“Dev, what are you doing, hooking up with the talent?”
“I’m in love with him,” he says without thinking.
“So at the end of this thing, is it going to be you accepting that Final Tiara, or is it going to be Daphne Reynolds?”
Dev flinches. “Don’t be cruel.”
“I’m not,” Ryan says. And he’s really not. His tone is tired and a little sad, but it’s not cruel. “I’m being practical. What’s going to happen, Dev? In a week, is Charlie going to get engaged to Daphne?”
“I mean, he’s under contract, so—”
“So you’re going to let a man who’s been having sex with you behind the cameras get engaged to a woman on national television? And then what?” Ryan pushes. “Are you and Charlie going to continue dating in secret while he goes on talk shows with his new fiancée? Are you going to go in the closet for this dude? Are you going to live right off camera in Charlie Winshaw’s life forever?”
“I don’t know!” Dev takes three deep breaths, holding each one in for three seconds. Everything is spinning. It’s a humid night, suffocating. He hasn’t thought about any of this yet, and he doesn’t want to troubleshoot his future with Ryan Parker of all people.
But if he thinks about it, if he considers it for even one second, he knows. He would do it. He would live off camera in Charlie’s life if Charlie would let him. If Charlie wanted him, he would do just about anything for that little house in Venice Beach, including hiding away there like a gay Rapunzel, waiting for the moments when Charlie could come to him in secret.
He’s always known how this story ends, because it has endedthe same way for thirty-six seasons. Dev doesn’t get the happily ever after, but he would settle for less if it meant being with Charlie. Because the alternative—losing Charlie—is going to destroy him.
“Charlie and I—we know we don’t have a future,” he tells Ryan when the silence stretches too tight between them.
“But you said you love him,” Ryan says quietly. He reaches out for Dev’s hand and gives it a squeeze—a squeeze that reminds Dev he and Ryan were friends once, before everything else. “Is this why you were depressed? In Germany?”
“I’m going to get back into therapy when we’re back in LA.” The words come quick. Automatic.
“Yeah. I’ve heard that one before.”
He wants to tell Ryan it’s different this time. Who he was with Ryan isn’t who he is with Charlie;Charlieisn’t Ryan, and when Dev pulls away, Charlie reaches, and when Dev slips under, Charlie stays.
But Charlie can only stay for ten more days, so what’s the point of explaining?
“Are you going to tell Skylar?”
Ryan snorts and drops Dev’s hand. “Skylar already knows.”
“She doesn’t. She can’t.”
